I Watch the Moon
by kahhtina
Summary: Remus Lupin is a werewolf. He is dangerous. And he must be careful who knows it. Please review if you have comments/suggestions!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Sixteen-year-old Remus looked down into his half-eaten Shepherd's pie. James and Sirius were verbally sparring each other on the merits of Britain's top ten Quidditch teams while Peter amicably watched, throwing in his two cents every so often. He had no desire to finish it, even though he'd barely eaten anything all day. He felt queasy for some reason. He hoped he wasn't ill—not in the way normal people were ill, anyway. If the feeling didn't subside soon, he promised himself he'd go to the hospital wing.

Looking up from his food, Remus glanced across the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw table. A girl with long dark hair sat diagonally from him, deep in conversation with the other girls around her. Remus swallowed as he gazed at Kendall Cole, a fellow sixth year who he shared two classes with: Transfiguration and Ancient Runes.

Resigned, Remus forced himself to look away. He knew there were many reasons he'd never have the courage to talk to her. One, she was probably—no, was definitely the prettiest girl at Hogwarts—devil may care what James or Sirius thought. Two, he was not handsome or charming or even good at speaking to other humans, let alone beautiful ones. Third, Remus Lupin was a werewolf. And the fact that he was a danger to everyone around him kept him away from pretty girls and anyone who would be needlessly hurt by a relationship of any kind with him. Although his attempts at keeping Sirius, James, and Peter from discovering his secret had gone out the window—this did prove more difficult when you shared a dormitory for six years.

He attempted focused on the conversation his friends were having, to no avail. His mind kept wandering to Kendall Cole and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Alright there, Moony?" asked Sirius, the first to notice Remus' inattention.

"Fine," replied Remus, unable to keep his eyes from flitting over to Kendall. He quickly looked away, hoping no one had seen.

"_Mooning_ over Kendall Cole again, are you?" James asked lightly. Sirius and Peter sniggered.

Remus sighed. "No," was his only reply. His friends knew him too well.

"Come on, Moony," Sirius began. "Why don't you ask her to Madam Puddifoot's for the next Hogsmeade visit? I'm sure she'd say yes."

"I'm sure she wouldn't," said Remus. He felt so tense all of a sudden. He knew he would have to leave soon or risk a row with his friends.

"Come on, she'd be a fool not to," James offered. "You're a catch, mate."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Lucky for everyone who manages to slip the bait."

Lily, sitting on James' left, turned from her conversation with a fellow Gryffindor girl to glare at James.

"Oh, leave him alone, will you," she said sternly. Without another word, she flipped her red hair and turned back to her friend.

James didn't dare continue his goading of Remus when he knew Lily was listening. The Marauders were silent for a few uncomfortable moments.

"I'm going to the library," Remus said, rather unexpectedly. He wanted to break the silence and find an out so he could be by himself for a while. His friends were great, really, but solitude was a necessity for the helplessly introverted.

"Want us to come with you, mate?" asked Peter.

"That's alright," said Remus, grabbing his school bag from the floor. "I wouldn't want James or Sirius to have heart attacks from being surrounded by so many books that could actually help them pass their N.E.W.T.s."

"Uncalled for," Sirius quipped before taking a swig of his pumpkin juice as Remus stood.

"See you back in the common room," James said, still hyper-aware of Lily Evans' presence beside him.

Remus nodded. Before he left, he glanced at the Ravenclaw table again. A second later, Kendall looked over at him. Without realizing it, Remus furrowed his brow as he stared back at the girl. He found the look in her eyes very disconcerting. She almost looked…interested. Not intended to be rude, he turned away swiftly and hurried out of the Great Hall. He hoped his friends had not noticed the exchange.

Once in the Entrance Hall, Remus allowed himself to relax. Only a few people were milling about, none of whom paid any attention to him as he hurried up the staircase. A few steps from the top, he noticed the lace of his trainer was undone. Annoyed, he bent down to fix it. He could have used magic, but with his mind so preoccupied, he relished in being able to focus on something.

Righting himself, he heard a group of girls emerge from the Great Hall. Out of curiosity and annoyance at the volume of their noise, he turned his head. Seeing Kendall Cole among the throng of girls moving toward the staircase, Remus turned to bolt to the library, but not before she'd looked at him. The same expression was on her face: interest. Without holding her gaze for long, Remus turned away and walked swiftly down the corridor, throwing himself behind a secret passageway he knew led to the library by a different route.

He debated going somewhere other than the library, but he knew Sirius had the map and both he and James would want to check up on him to see if he'd really gone where he said he would.

As he meandered through the passage, Remus' thoughts trailed back to Kendall and the way she kept looking at him. He knew better than to assume any girl was interested in him—especially a girl as lovely and brilliant as Kendall. He'd only ever been less than three feet away from her during Ancient Runes, a class he luckily did not share with his friends. As much as he'd attempted to, he could never keep himself from glancing at her during class. It didn't help that she sat in front of him, her wavy hair always brushing against the front of his desk.

Remus shook his head in an attempt to clear it. He must force himself to stop thinking of Kendall. He must.

Reaching the end of the passage, Remus listened for any sign of students on the other side. Relieved, he heard no one, and thus slipped out before turning the corner to enter the library. Carelessly opening the door, he nearly collided with the librarian.

"Watch it!" Madam Cassius scolded, hovering a large stack of books in front of her. They teetered ominously.

"Sorry," Remus apologized quickly, ducking out of the way as one slipped off the top. He grabbed it off the ground.

"Oh, Mr. Lupin, no matter," she said. He knew he was one of her favorites. "I believe I saw your table was empty when I walked by earlier," she informed him with a smile.

"Bless you," he said before scurrying to the back of the library. Before sitting at his usual table of solitude, Remus walked down one of the aisles to find the book he'd need to do his Ancient Runes homework. Once he'd grabbed it from the shelf, he went to the back of the library where other students rarely went. He found his table deserted as Madam Cassius had said it would be. A small grin on his face, he sat down with his back to the wall, dropping his bag on the table.

He rifled through his bag for a moment, finding his homework for Ancient Runes, a quill, and an inkwell. After reading over what he'd begun, opening the library book as well as _Spellman's Syllabry_, Remus went to work. At first he had trouble focusing, as his thoughts kept wandering to things he'd rather not think about.

_Kendall._

With a sigh, he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. In a few minutes, he'd already written two inches of the eighteen they had been required for homework.

Twenty minutes later, as he was rifling through the library book again, he had a strange sensation as though someone else was nearby. He looked up from the page to find Kendall Cole standing a few feet away from his table.

"Sorry," she apologized immediately, a small smile on her face. "Madam Cassius said you'd taken that book."

Remus felt his cheeks grow warm. "Oh, y-yeah," he said, fumbling with his quill.

"I can see that you're using it, but I wondered if you'd mind sharing it for a bit? I'm nearly done with my homework, so I won't need it long."

He knew his ears were bright red by now. "Um, yeah, okay," he said, awkwardly motioning for her to sit down.

"Thanks," said Kendall, still smiling as she took the seat across from Remus.

"Here, uh, go ahead," he said, pushing the book toward her as she pulled out her homework.

"Thanks, Remus," she said. He nodded stiffly before looking down at his homework.

_Why is she here? _He wondered to himself as he wrote a few incoherent words down. _Why does she keep appearing everywhere I am? Why is she _still_ smiling? I didn't even think she knew my name. She's so pretty._

He couldn't stop himself from glancing up at Kendall every few minutes. She caught his eye one time, her gray eyes shaded by long eyelashes. She smiled and Remus furrowed his brow before looking away.

Remus forced himself to stop looking at her after that. After his face had turned red again.

"Remus, is everything alright?" asked Kendall after quarter of an hour of silence.

"Yeah, fine," he said, not looking up from his homework. He was halfway done but he knew it didn't make any sense. He figured he'd need to rewrite it later.

"Really?" she pressed. "Are you angry that I asked to sit down?"

"No!" Remus said immediately, a little surprised by his own enthusiasm. "I mean, it's really alright, Kendall," he said more calmly.

Kendall smiled. "I didn't think you knew my name," she said shyly.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Of course I do," he said. Before he could stop himself, he added, "You're brilliant."

She blushed. "Well, thanks," she said sweetly.

Remus nodded. He looked down at his homework again, not really seeing the page. His brow furrowed again as he stared at it. Kendall's eyes were still on him.

"Remus," she said after a few moments. He looked up to see a frown on her face, although that look of interest hadn't left her eyes their entire conversation. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I, uh, was just wondering what you're doing…here," he said the words slowly, as though he were unsure of them.

"My homework," she said, smiling slightly.

"No, I mean—what are you doing here with _me_?" he asked.

"Well, you had the book," she said, smiling again. "And I find you very intriguing Remus Lupin."

"Me?" he asked, chuckling. "I'm not intriguing in the slightest."

"Well, I think so," said Kendall. "You're so different from any of the boys I know. You're not at all like your friends—Potter's a show-off, Black's narcissistic, and Pettigrew—well, Peter doesn't really know who he is, does he?"

"They're all really great," Remus said defensively, feeling protective of his friends.

Kendall held up her hands. "I'm sure they are," she said, still smiling. "I'm just saying you're different from them—always so serious and brooding. You're special."

_You have no idea how different I am, _he thought darkly.

Remus shook his head. "I'm not so special," he said trying to keep his voice light.

"Well, _I_ think you are. Are you trying to say I'm wrong? I'm shocked," Kendall said with mock disgust. She smiled. "Ravenclaws are rarely wrong."

He couldn't help but smile at her. "Well, Gryffindors usually are," he quipped. Kendall laughed. Remus hated to admit that he liked the way she laughed.

"Then, we can just say that you are wrong and I'm right," she said triumphantly.

Madam Cassius came down the aisle, a look of determination on her face. "Quiet," she said sternly. "Remus—you know better."

"Sorry, Madam Cassius," Remus apologized. She nodded before turning on her heel to descend on some first years too close to the Restricted Section.

"Good friends with the librarian, are we?" Kendall whispered impishly.

"How else do you think I got so smart?" he quipped. Kendall wrinkled her nose at him before turning her eyes back to her homework.

_What am I doing?_

Remus forced himself to look away from her, returning to his poorly written essay. He'd been in the library for nearly an hour now and would have to leave soon to do his nightly prefect duties before returning to the Gryffindor common room. If he didn't fix the essay before turning it in, he knew he'd get a low mark on it.

They kept their silence for the next half hour. If Remus had not forced himself to stare at his parchment, he knew he wouldn't get anything done. But if he'd looked up he would have seen Kendall observing him, a small smile on her face.

Her essay had been finished for nearly ten minutes before Remus had noticed she was no longer writing. He hesitated before looking up at her once more, surprised by the look in her eyes. He noticed her cheeks turn pink.

"I should get back," Kendall said, hastily rolling up her essay and pushing the book back toward him. She shoved her homework into her bag before getting to her feet. "Thanks again, Remus," she said, sounding flustered.

"N-no problem," Remus said, taken aback by her abrupt departure.

"See you later," she said, grabbing her bag off the table before hurrying away.

_Bloody hell. _Remus thought to himself. _What did I do?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A few weeks had passed since Remus had spoken to Kendall alone. He saw her nearly every day, but each time she'd been surrounded by fellow Ravenclaws—all girls—who would have never let someone like Remus Lupin go near their friend.

Not that he wanted to be around her, exactly. He was at war with himself and he seemed to be fighting a losing battle. He knew he should stay away from her. _Had_ to stay away from her. But he didn't really want to listen to that voice in his head that said he was dangerous and no good. He'd listened to that voice for far too long.

Remus walked down the corridor away from Gryffindor tower on his way to his prefect duties for the night. He was tired from staying up too late with his friends the night before, talking and laughing about James' continuing crush on Lily and all the girls who were after Sirius. Plus, the full moon was nearing, which meant he found it harder to sleep anyway. Or keep his temper in check.

_What if I just got to know her better? There's no harm in that. And all my friends are okay with—what I am. Even Lily wasn't scared when I told her. Maybe Kendall will be the same._

Remus stopped walking and shook his head. No. He knew he couldn't tell her. Other people weren't like his friends and Lily was one of the kindest people he'd ever known. His parents had told him what the werewolf victims in St. Mungo's faced from the doctors themselves—intense disgust and terror at the sight of them—even before they transformed for the first time.

He turned the corner to station himself in one of the corridors south of the library, and nearly crashed into the very girl who'd occupied his thoughts for over two weeks: Kendall.

"Oh, Remus!" she said, her voice higher pitched than normal. Remus smiled automatically.

"Sorry," he told her, nervously taking a step back. Kendall smiled, pushing some hair out of her eyes.

"I was actually looking for you," she said after a few moments of tense silence.

"You were?" Remus asked, wringing his hands. It was no good finding himself so close to her when his transformation was only days away. He always acted so strangely before the full moon.

"Yes," Kendall said. Remus tried not to look too hard at her as he stood there. Her long hair was braided down her back and her eyes were shining in the pale moonlight. "I knew you had your prefect duties as well, so there were only a few places I'd need to look for you."

Remus was thankful for the poor lighting because he felt his cheeks flush.

"O-oh," he managed to say, his voice cracking. "Wh-why were you looking for m-me?"

"Oh," Kendall began. She looked down as though she didn't have an excuse. "I, uh, wanted to ask how you did on the last Ancient Runes assignment."

Remus raised his eyebrows in disbelief as she looked up at him. "You did?" Her face was sheepish as she nodded, but she smiled just the same. "Barely passed with an A," Remus admitted. He hadn't actually re-written it like he'd intended.

"But you always do so well in Ancient Runes," she said, looking as though she regretted her question. "Not as well as Defense Against the Dark Arts, of course, but you've always been brilliant there."

Remus blushed again. "I guess I was distracted when I wrote it," he murmured, looking down at his feet. He looked up to see Kendall watching him, that same look of interest in her eyes. He clenched his teeth and looked away from her again, crossing his arms over his chest. "I really should…should go," he told her.

"Is something wrong, Remus?" she asked, touching his hand. Remus could hear the surprise in her voice.

He sighed, pulling his hand away from hers. He had no idea how to say this so she would understand. He knew she wouldn't because he couldn't tell her everything. He couldn't tell her _anything_.

"No, I, uh, just have prefect duties," he said. He was becoming angrier with himself by the minute. He hated lying and he knew he didn't have any excuse for his behavior toward Kendall.

"Oh, right," she said unhappily. "Sorry I bothered you," she said, moving to walk around him.

"You're not bothering me," he said, his voice a little louder and more forceful than he'd intended. An inexplicable anger pulsed inside him. In an attempt to calm down, he exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. He didn't feel any better. "_I'm_ bothering me."

She stared at him for a few moments, as though debating what her response should be. "Can you tell me what it is?" she asked gently. Remus glanced away before meeting Kendall's eyes again.

In that moment, Remus wasn't himself. He was no longer shy and unassuming. No longer the model prefect or careful student. His instincts dominated him.

He stepped toward Kendall, pressing his lips eagerly against hers, moving her back against the wall. To his surprise, she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair, their bodies pressed together.

Remus had no idea how long they'd been snogging before his senses returned. He stopped kissing her and then suddenly pushed himself away from the wall, unsteadily taking a few steps away from her. His hands shook as he came to the full realization of what had just happened.

"Oh, God," he said, covering his mouth with his hand. "I shouldn't have done that." He absentmindedly wondered if he looked as freaked out as he felt.

"W-what?" Kendall said, taking a step toward him, her hand outstretched. He clumsily moved away from her again, watching her face fall and her eyes fill with tears.

"I shouldn't have done that," Remus repeated, mastering himself once more.

"Why do you keep saying that?" she asked. She didn't move toward him this time, but stood rigidly still.

"I-," Remus began, trying to find the right words. He knew nothing he said could be enough. Because he was not enough. "I can't."

"Remus," Kendall said, her voice gentle once more. "You can tell me. Whatever it is."

The earnest tone in her voice nearly made him give in. Her eyes were so trusting, so full of something he couldn't quite place. He'd never seen any girl look at him in that way before.

He swallowed though his mouth had become suddenly dry. He knew he couldn't tell her the truth. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone about it—his friends had figured it out first year, but this was different. He was different.

"I don't know why I did that," he said finally. At least that was an honest statement. "It was wrong of me to do that." He knew his words sounded so false and he loathed himself for it.

"No it wasn't," she responded. "Remus, I think…I think I'm in love—"

Remus' eyes widened and he spoke suddenly. "No!" he said sharply, shocked by what she was about to confess. Kendall physically pulled back at his outburst.

"But that's how I feel," she said, her voice angry now.

"Well you shouldn't feel that way. Not about me," he said, his voice fading a bit.

"Why?" she asked. Remus almost wanted to laugh. He never thought any girl would be angry about being rejected by _him_. If she really knew why, she wouldn't be. She'd be terrified.

"Because I'm no good," he told her, forcing a tone of conviction. "And I don't feel the same way about you," he added as an afterthought. Not because it was true, but because he wanted her to believe his first statement. If he was really no good—in the way normal people were—he'd be able to kiss a girl and it wouldn't mean a thing. He'd be able to act as though something that meant more to him than anything was unimportant, almost laughable.

"I don't believe you," Kendall said, her voice wavering. Remus looked away from the tears that had filled her eyes again. He knew he was going to regret his next words. He already did and he hadn't even spoken them yet.

"Well, you should," he said, hating the sound of his own voice. It sounded as though it belonged to someone else. It was cruel and cold. "Because I don't feel anything for you."

Remus waited in silence as Kendall stared at him, blinking slowly. A few tears escaped down her cheeks before she could wipe them away.

"Never speak to me again, Remus Lupin," she said furiously. She closed the gap between them and before Remus could step away again, she hit him hard across the face. He staggered backward, surprised because she had hit him and because of the force behind the blow.

Almost at once, Kendall turned on her heel and hurried in the opposite direction. He could hear her sobs echoing down the corridor as he stood there, unmoving.

He hated himself. For kissing Kendall, for feeling the way he did about her, for the longing in the pit of his stomach over the thought of her.

But mostly, Remus hated himself because of what he was.

_I'm a monster._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Remus walked back to the Gryffindor common room without seeing where he was going. He knew it was very late and that he'd get into trouble if a teacher caught him, but he didn't care. He even welcomed being found out—hoped a teacher would yell at him if they found him. He deserved to be yelled at. But, to his own self-deprecating disappointment, he didn't cross the path of any teachers. He didn't see anyone.

He arrived at the portrait hole to find the Fat Lady snoring loudly.

"_Diricawl_," Remus said loud enough so she woke up with a snort.

"You're up late," she scolded sleepily as her portrait swung forward. Remus ignored her and jumped through the opening in the wall.

The common room was empty except for a red haired girl who sat by the fire, diligently writing on a piece of parchment. She looked up as he entered.

"Remus," Lily said, smiling at him. "It's very late. Where've you been?"

Remus walked over to Lily and threw himself into the chair across from her and pressed his hands against his face.

She didn't speak right away, as though waiting for him to say something first. When he finally looked up, Lily was watching him, compassion on her face.

"I-I snogged Kendall Cole," Remus said finally, his voice hoarse from disuse. If Lily was surprised by his words, she didn't show it.

"You did?" she asked, her voice even. "How did that happen?"

Remus sighed, knowing he had to talk to _someone _about it and he knew only Lily would understand. He dove into his story, telling her everything without stopping. And Lily didn't interrupt.

When he finished, the only change in Lily's expression was that she looked terribly sad.

"Sorry," Remus apologized automatically. "You know I can't talk to anyone else about this. James and Sirius and Peter wouldn't understand."

"I know," Lily said, watching him carefully. "I'm not sure I do either."

Remus furrowed his brow. "Why? It's obvious I can never be with anyone like _that_. You know what I am." He knew he sounded angry, but he couldn't help it.

Lily sighed. "Yes," she began. "What I don't understand is why you always let that stop you from being who you could be. Forget that you're a werewolf, Remus. How do you really feel about Kendall?"

"How can I forget?" he asked in a tortured voice. "Every month I become a terrifying, horrible monster. If Kendall found out she'd hate me. No, she'd be frightened of me. I'd be kicked out of Hogwarts for sure. No sane person would ever want to be with me."

"'You're not a monster and if she truly loves you, it won't matter when it comes down to it. Give her some credit," Lily insisted.

"I can't. Not everyone can be like you or James or Sirius," Remus told her, getting to his feet. He paced back and forth across the rug, running his hands through his hair. "Don't you realize what other wizards think about werewolves? We're less than human—dangerous creatures who constantly have to be watched in case one attacks a wizard or, God forbid, Muggles. And the worst part is, we can't control ourselves when transformed. I can't even remember my own name. I'm just bloodthirsty and savage. It's only after it's over do I remember who I am, and everything I've done when I was the werewolf. I hate myself for who I am—for what this does to me. How can I expect to live a normal life? Werewolves don't have girlfriends or wives and families."

"But, Remus," Lily began cautiously. "It's only once a month. Why can't you give Kendall a chance? She doesn't need to know right away until she knows you better."

"That seems dishonest," Remus said, stopping in front of Lily. "Won't she wonder where I disappear to every month? Why I act like a mental patient in the few days before the full moon? Why I suddenly changed my mind?"

"Like I said, give her some credit for how she feels about you. If things don't work out, they don't work out, but you can't keep standing in the way of your own happiness, Remus."

He didn't respond for a few minutes, thinking Lily's words over.

"What if…what if something happens and I hurt her? I mean, _really_ hurt her," he asked painfully. "I don't think I could bear it."

Lily pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "I think that's a chance you have to be willing to take. Although, I don't think you could hurt her any worse than you already have."

Remus swallowed, remembering the look on Kendall's face before she'd slapped him. He knew he'd hurt her, even if he thought it was the best way to ensure he couldn't hurt her beyond repair.

"Well, I've told you what I think," Lily said, getting to her feet. "You just need to decide what you're going to do about it. But I know you're not a monster, Remus. And you're much more worthy of love than you think. And one day, you're going to find a girl who doesn't care about any of that and sees you for who you really are."

Remus smiled slightly, looking down at Lily. She smiled back.

"Goodnight, Remus," she said. She leaned forward, giving him a friendly kiss on his cheek before giving his arm a squeeze and walking toward the girls' staircase.

Remus sat down in front of the fire, his mind whirling as he thought over the events of the night. As he stared into the dying embers, he recalled a passage from a book he read long ago, after he was first bitten. Unintentionally, he'd memorized the passage, saying it aloud as he watched the last coal die: _"The werewolves are certayne sorcerers, who having annoynted their bodies with an ointment which they make by the instinct of the devil, and putting on a certayne inchaunted girdle, does not only unto the view of others seem as wolves, but to their own thinking have both the shape and nature of wolves, so long as they wear the said girdle. And they do dispose themselves as very wolves, in worrying and killing, and most of humane creatures."_

Remus looked up from the fire, feeling determination grow inside him—a feeling Lily had sparked with her final speech.

_"You're much more worthy of love than you think."_

He'd decided what he would do. He knew it was crazy, but he also knew that Lily was right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

A few days later, Remus stood in the Entrance Hall before breakfast in the hopes he would run into Kendall. The full moon had been two days before and the day before that he hadn't even seen her because she'd skipped Arithmancy and he had to go to the Shrieking Shack before dinner for his transformation. According to James and Sirius, that night he'd been far more violent than usual, crashing into trees and not even Sirius or James could keep him in check—they'd gone back to the castle earlier than they'd anticipated, leaving the thrashing wolf to his own devices.

Now that he would be himself again for another month, he felt more determined than ever to follow Lily's advice. He knew he needed to apologize to Kendall, even if she still wanted nothing to do with him. He understood that, but he wanted to apologize just the same.

Finally he saw her and his heart leapt in his chest. As usual, she was surrounded by a throng of giggling, Ravenclaw girls, although Kendall herself was not even smiling. Even from this distance, Remus could see that her eyes were red, as though she'd been crying or she hadn't slept. Maybe both.

Despite a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he forced himself to push through the group of girls, ignoring their objections, until he was standing in front of Kendall and she wouldn't be able to pass him.

"Kendall, I need to talk to you," he said nervously. His hands were shaking and his cheeks were turning red as all the girls watched him, some of them glaring. He saw Kendall's eyes filled with tears as she looked away.

"Go away, Lupin," one of them spat angrily, a girl by the name of Priscilla Wong. "She doesn't want to speak to you."

Remus ignored the girl, looking imploringly at Kendall. "Please," he said, not caring that it sounded as though he were begging her, because he knew he was.

She finally looked at him, swallowing as she considered his request.

"Alright," she said timidly. "I'll be right in," she told her friends, who stared at her for a moment before turning toward the Great Hall. All of them began talking at once, obviously discussing Remus and what _exactly_ they thought of him.

Remus stepped out of the path of students heading for the Great Hall, Kendall following slightly behind.

Once he'd moved out of the way, he turned to face Kendall, who kept her eyes down.

"I know you told me to not speak to you again, but I wanted to say something," he began slowly. He still had no idea how to say what he wanted to say to her.

Something in his tone made her look up, her eyes retaining that intrigued look she used to give him, though somewhat deadened.

"And what was that?" she asked, her voice expressionless and her face blank. Remus swallowed.

"I'm sorry for what happened the other night," he said quickly. "But not for the reasons I said. I kissed you because…"

Kendall raised her eyebrows in anticipation, her expression softening.

"Because why?" she prodded gently.

"Because I wanted to," he admitted, his ears turning bright red. "Because I like you—I like you loads more than I've ever let on. And I'm so, so sorry I acted like that because I never wanted to hurt you."

The corners of her mouth twitched as though suppressing a smile, but she didn't smile. "Why did you say all those horrible things?" she asked. Remus could still hear the pain in her voice. He knew a smile apology would not make that go away.

"I-I was scared," he said truthfully. Kendall actually smiled this time.

"Scared of what?" she asked, moving to touch his hand, but she thought better of it and pulled her hand back.

"Everything," he told her, sighing. He ran his hand through his hair. "I've never felt this way before. I never thought I would or that anyone would ever feel like this about me."

"Why are you always so critical of yourself?" Kendall scolded him. Remus was slightly taken aback, but saw her eyes light up and he smiled.

"It's just how I am," he said. "Ask my friends."

She let out a small laugh, pushing some hair over her shoulder. "Well, I'm not at all fearsome," Kendall said, tilting her head and examining his face.

"Maybe I'm just easily frightened," Remus joked, feeling ten times lighter than he could ever remember feeling. "I really am sorry, Kendall," he said seriously. "Please forgive me."

"Of course, I do," she said, finally taking his hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "What does this mean, then?" she asked, smiling as she looked away from his face.

Remus bit his lip thoughtfully. _Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get to know Kendall better. I've been wrong about people before._ Although, the first time he'd been wrong about anyone was when he thought Severus Snape was alright. This would have been true if Severus hadn't been so obsessed with the Dark Arts. _Maybe I'll be right in a good way._

"Well, maybe we could start by getting to know each other better," he said, voicing his thoughts aloud.

Kendall smiled. "I'd really like that, Remus," she said, reaching for his other hand. "Promise you won't freak out again?"

He hesitated for a fraction of a second before blurting out "I promise."

Still smiling, Kendall pushed herself up on tiptoes and kissed Remus on the cheek.

Being kissed by Kendall was not at all like Lily's kiss of friendship. Remus' heart sped up and the spot on his cheek where Kendall's lips had touched tingled. His face turned red as she smiled up at him. He couldn't help but smile back at her, despite the fact that he knew he would never be able to keep his promise not to freak out again. Instincts did not obey promises. He just hoped he wouldn't have to promise anything else.

"We should probably go to breakfast," she said, dropping his hands. Remus nodded realizing for the first time that morning how hungry he was. She turned to go, but Remus caught her arm.

"Wait," he said. She raised her eyebrows, stepping back toward him.

"What is it?" she asked, puzzled. Remus looked around as students milled about, most not taking any notice of the pair as they stood near a suit of armor.

"I wanted to—" he began, looking back at Kendall. She looked expectantly at him. He placed one of his hands gently against her cheek before leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers for a few seconds. Before he pulled away, he felt her smile.

They grinned at each other for a few seconds before turning to head into the Great Hall. As Remus grabbed Kendall's hand, he noticed someone watching them from across the room. Lily was standing by the staircase, talking with a younger Gryffindor girl. Remus caught her eye and she smiled at him. He couldn't help but smile back at her as they passed.

Once inside the Great Hall, Kendall left Remus to go to the Ravenclaw table, while Remus went to find his own friends.

Sirius, James, and Peter seemed to be deep in discussion as he drew near to where they were sitting. James and Peter, sitting across from Sirius, noticed Remus and said something to Sirius, who immediately turned to look at Remus. None of them spoke, but continued to stare at Remus as he sat down in the empty spot beside Sirius. Pretending he hadn't noticed the fact that they had obviously been talking about him, Remus grabbed some toast before shoveling some eggs and sausages onto his plate.

For a few minutes, he ate and they watched him, noticeably bursting for him to say something first.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" Sirius asked suddenly.

Still chewing, Remus looked around the table at his friends. "Oh, um, what do you mean?" he asked absentmindedly as he took another bite of toast.

"That!" James said frantically, motioning behind Remus. Both he and Sirius turned to look at the Ravenclaw table, which quite a stir was happening. From where he was sitting, Remus could see that Kendall was in a heated discussion with her friends. He caught her eye and she smiled at him as one of the other girls waved her arms around frantically. Remus thought it a little comical and he saw Kendall roll her eyes at the girl. He smiled at Kendall before turning back to his friends.

"Moony's got a girlfriend now?" James asked with a cackle. "Thought you said a girl would never like you."

"I did," Remus said, not bothering to contradict James. Was she his girlfriend? _I guess so._

"Well, you were wrong, mate," Sirius said, turning back around. "She looks dead gone on you." Sirius looked at James. "How is it that Remus can get a girl without even trying and _you_ can't get a civil word out of Evans?"

James glared at Sirius before glancing down the Gryffindor table to where Lily had taken a seat. Remus knew Sirius was only joking, but it was obvious that James was deeply offended.

"Shut it, Padfoot," James said, turning his head away from Lily's direction. "I don't see any girl dying to be around you," he said as a few fifth year Hufflepuffs passed, giggling as they stared at Sirius. Aggravated, James looked down at his eggs and began to stab them with his fork.

Sirius sighed, haughtily looking around the Great Hall as though he didn't notice any of the girls who were trying to catch his eye.

"So, you and Kendall Cole," Sirius said, turning his attention back to the situation at hand. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I, uh, I dunno," Remus muttered with a shrug.

"Is that why you were so—you know—the other night? You were all torn up about not knowing if she liked you or not?" James asked cautiously, forgetting his annoyance with Sirius.

"I guess so," Remus said. "I never really know what I'm doing though, do I?"

Sirius sighed again, as though he were insanely bored by the whole thing all of a sudden. "Too bad the full moon's only once a month," he said offhandedly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You may enjoy it," he said darkly.

"Well, not last time, obviously," Sirius said his eyes settling on a fifth year Gryffindor girl who kept smiling at him.

"I always thought you'd never get with a girl," Peter said to Remus. "Do you think she'll tell?"

Remus turned his head to look at Kendall again. Apparently the argument with her friends was over, for they were all talking and laughing about something. Kendall noticed his gaze again, directing her smile at him once more.

"Just be careful, Moony," Sirius said.

Remus looked at Sirius and noticed his eyes had flitted over to the Slytherin table where a large group of boys were sitting huddled close together. Among them Remus could see Severus and Sirius' younger brother, Regulus.

"It's hard to know who to trust these days," he added bleakly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

In the weeks before the Christmas holiday, Remus found himself happier than he'd ever been in his life. Even with the news in _The Daily Prophet _of more and more disappearances and attacks on Muggles, Remus felt more alive than ever and he knew it was because of Kendall.

One Saturday afternoon a few weeks before the end of term, the pair sat in the courtyard.

"Remus," Kendal began in a low voice, her chin resting on his shoulder. He was seated in front of her, using his wand to swirl some of the dirt in front of his feet.

"Hmm?" he asked in a relaxed voice, leaning back against her. Kendall wrapped her arms around his middle.

"I was wondering something," she said, brushing the tip of her nose against Remus' ear. His heart fluttered in his chest.

"What's that, love?"

"Would you want to come to my house over the holiday? My parents really want to meet you," she said. Remus was glad Kendall couldn't see his face because his eyes were wide and his teeth clenched together.

"M-meet your p-parents?" he stuttered, unable to master his voice. Kendall laughed musically in his ear, interpreting his reaction as nerves.

"Yes, of course," she said happily. "I've told them all about you."

He forced himself to calm down before turning his upper body to look at Kendall. She was smiling sweetly at him.

"Please come and stay with us for a day or two," she crooned, running her finger across his jaw. This time Remus clenched his teeth for another reason. "I don't want to go the whole break without seeing you," she added before kissing him quickly.

"That would be dreadful," he admitted when she pulled away. "W-when were you thinking I should come?"

"Anytime after Christmas really. Whenever _you_ want," she said, smiling wide. "Whenever your parents can spare you."

Remus smiled back. "I'll have to talk to them about it," he told her, tapping the end of her nose with his index finger. She wrinkled her nose.

"Okay, well make sure you stress that it's _very_ important," she said.

"What do your parents do?" he asked, leaning his forehead against Kendall's.

"Dad works for the Ministry," she told him. "In the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures."

Remus swallowed. Werewolves fell under the jurisdiction of that department. He knew that once he left Hogwarts he'd have to register as a werewolf in order to get a job—hopefully.

"What's he do there?" he asked, hoping he sounded nonchalant. Kendall hadn't noticed that he was suddenly tense because he turned his face away from her and she'd wrapped her arms around him again.

"Werewolf registry and he sometimes helps with the Werewolf Capture Unit," she told him, running her fingers through Remus' hair, oblivious to his discomfort.

His throat was suddenly dry. Despite the low temperature, perspiration beaded on his forehead.

"Are you alright, Remus?" Kendall asked after he didn't say anything for a few minutes. He was spared answering by a disruption across the courtyard.

A group of older Slytherins were harassing two fourth year Hufflepuffs for being Muggle-born. Among the group was Regulus Black and Snape.

"Better watch yourselves, Mudbloods," Amycus Carrow threatened the younger boys, both of whom looked terrified. Remus got to his feet and strode across the courtyard, Kendall following him.

"Watch your mouth, Carrow," Remus said sternly, holding out his arm to force Kendall to stop a few feet away. The Slytherins turned to face him, all glaring fiercely.

"Shove off, Lupin," Snape spat. Five wands were pointed at him, but Remus didn't reach for his. He didn't want to start anything if he could avoid it.

"Shove off yourself, _Snivellus_," came James' voice from behind Remus. He turned his head to see all three of his friends had joined him, all with their wands out.

"Still outnumbered, Potter," Snape said threateningly.

"Well, you're all ghastly at dueling," said Sirius in a dry voice, as though the entire situation bored him to no end. "So I'd say we stood a chance."

"There won't be any dueling," Remus said in his most authoritative prefect voice. "Leave those kids alone or I'll take points from Slytherin."

"We don't care about that nonsense," Carrow said in a superior voice. "These Mudbloods got in our way."

"The way of what? You're abnormally large nose, Carrow?" James asked with a laugh. Sirius and Peter chuckled.

"Stop making trouble, James," Remus said in a hushed voice. "Just leave them alone," he said, turning back to the Slytherins.

"Make us," Snape said, sneering. The other Slytherins laughed at Snape's words.

Lily came up beside Remus, her wand pointing at Snape who stopped smiling immediately.

"Is that a challenge, Snape?" she asked. Remus glanced at her to see her eyes were fierce. He knew Snape didn't stand a chance if Lily acted.

"Stay out of this," Snape said through clenched teeth. The whole of the Slytherin group had pointed their wands directly at Lily.

"Then leave them alone," Lily said.

"Get out of here, Evans," James said from the background. Lily ignored him.

"Leave them alone," Lily repeated slowly. Remus had never seen her so angry—he was a little afraid himself.

Unfazed by Lily, Carrow made a slashing movement with his wand.

"_Protego!" _James shouted, throwing himself between Lily and the Slytherins. Carrow's hex rebounded off James' shield charm and hit Regulus Black in the face. Regulus fell over backward, his arms and legs stiff as a board.

James and Sirius roared with laughter as the Slytherins lifted the curse off Regulus and pulled him roughly to his feet.

"Is there a problem?" Professor McGonagall's commanding voice asked as she came up beside them. "Wands away," she ordered the group. After a few dark looks from the Slytherins and James and Sirius, the potential duelers all shoved their wands into their robe pockets.

"Remus," she said, directing her stern gaze at him. "Is there a problem?"

"Just a disagreement, Professor, ma'am," Carrow said in a falsely sweet voice. Everyone knew Carrow loathed McGonagall.

She turned her eyes on him, narrowing them. "I didn't ask you, Carrow, but I suggest you and your fellow Slytherins return to your common room immediately unless you want to find yourselves in detention for the rest of term."

The boys glared at McGonagall, who returned the look. Before hurrying off, Snape casting one last look at Lily, who'd turned her eyes from him.

"All right?" McGonagall asked the two Hufflepuffs who looked relieved but still shaken. They nodded stiffly. "Come with me," she told them in a resigned voice. "Madam Pomfrey will give you something for your nerves."

Before leaving she turned back to Remus, glancing around at the rest of the group. "Next time you see a disturbance, Remus," she began, her voice tired, "Come find me immediately."

"Professor, I think they're all part of that dodgy group—I overheard them calling each other Death Eaters the other day," James piped in.

McGonagall turned to look at James. "That is a very serious accusation, Potter," she said. Remus thought she didn't look at all surprised by James' words.

"It's what I heard," James said, glancing at Lily before looking away. Remus heard the honesty in James' voice and out of the corner of his eye he saw Lily staring at Prongs. He thought her eyes looked as though she were about to cry.

"Well, if it's true, then you all best watch yourselves," McGonagall told them before ushering for the Hufflepuffs to follow her.

"Next time, stay out of it, Evans," James said to Lily. "You want to get yourself killed?"

Lily glared at James. "Why should you care, Potter?" she asked angrily. Before James could answer, she stormed off. Remus saw she was wiping her eyes as she hurried away.

"Merlin's pants!" Sirius said in a surprised voice. "Why's she so upset? I thought she gave up on old Snivellus after last year."

No one spoke, as James looked furious. Kendall walked up next to Remus, taking his hand. Remus looked at her and thought she looked as shaken as those fourth years. He gave her hand a quick squeeze. James stalked off, his fists clenched tightly.

Sirius sighed, glancing at Peter and then Remus. "Let's go back to the common room, Wormtail," Sirius said, realizing James wanted to be left alone.

"See you later," Remus said before his friends left. They nodded, moving away.

Once they were alone, Remus turned to look at Kendall. "Are you alright?" he asked gently. She looked up at him, her eyes shining.

"Yes," she said. "You're very brave." He thought she sounded proud.

"Just, um, trying to be a good prefect," he said humbly.

"No," she said, half smiling. "It was more than that."

Remus blushed, looking away.

"I love you," Kendall said, her voice quiet so only he could hear. Remus looked at her, surprise on his face. Not waiting for him to respond, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the mouth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

_Dear Remus,_

_ My parents told me the 27__th__ will work perfectly well. They're thrilled to finally meet you—my mom has been frantically cleaning every day even though the house is spotless. I've enclosed our address so your father can bring you any time in the afternoon.  
I miss you terribly and can't wait to see you soon!  
Love, Kendall_

Remus walked to the edge of his family's property with his parents.

"Now, you must behave yourself, Remus," his mother said in a worried voice as she flattened the collar of her son's shirt. "And if you need us at all—"

"I'll be alright, mum," Remus assured her. He'd already had to battle with his parents for them to allow him to go at all. When they'd found out about Kendall they were apprehensive—but when Remus told them her father worked for the Ministry they nearly lost it. He had to promise not to tell her about his "condition" while he was visiting.

"You're lucky the full moon was before Christmas," his dad had said tiredly.

His parents were looking more tired and nervous than he'd ever seen them. He knew they were both worried about recent disappearances of Ministry officials and the inklings that war was on the way.

"Make sure to thank Mr. and Mrs. Cole," his mother reminded him before he left with his father by side-along apparition.

"I will," he promised before taking his father's arm. His mother nodded before John Lupin turned on the spot, pulling Remus with him into the smothering darkness. Remus thought he'd seen tears in his mother's eyes.

They appeared in a country lane near the sea, a rather large house off in the distance.

"I'll come for you tomorrow," Remus' father told him. Remus nodded before his dad turned on the spot and was gone.

His bag over his shoulder, Remus walked up the lane to the house. As he approached, Kendall bounded out the front door, hurrying toward him, a huge smile on her pretty face.

"Remus!" she cried happily, throwing her arms around his neck when she reached him. "I missed you!" she said.

"I missed you, too," he admitted sheepishly, noticing a woman had come to the front door after Kendall ran outside. Her hair was the same color as Kendall's and she looked as though she would be within an inch of Kendall's height. Remus knew she must be Kendall's mother. The woman looked rather stern, so Remus set Kendall back on her feet, cautiously stepping away from her.

"Come meet Mother," Kendall said, grabbing Remus' hand and pulling him toward the house.

"Alright," he said, his nerves rising.

"Mum, this is Remus," Kendall said. "Remus, this is my mum."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Cole," Remus said politely, taking the lady's hand with his free one.

"Pleasure," she said, looking as though she didn't really think so. "My husband will be home from work soon."

"Come inside, I'll show you around," Kendall told him, tugging on his arm as Remus nodded in response to Mrs. Cole's statement about her husband.

For half an hour, Kendall showed Remus around the house while her mother went to the kitchen to finish dinner—occasionally popping into the room Kendall had brought Remus to, asking questions that seemed rather unnecessary.

"Sorry about mum," Kendall said to Remus. "They're both a little protective of me. You're the first boyfriend they've ever met."

"Oh, heavens," Remus said, a little surprised by this. "Hopefully they're not too terrified of me."

"Of course not," Kendall told him, giving him a quick kiss since they were actually alone for once.

Remus forced himself to smile as she pulled away. _If only they knew._

Kendall's father proved to be more like his daughter, at least in temperament. He acted as though he didn't mind Remus as much as his wife, although Remus could sense his dislike even if Kendall couldn't see it.

They were nearing the end of dinner, which Remus had complimented Kendall's mother on numerous times throughout its course. She thanked him rather curtly every time he offered her compliments. Kendall smiled apologetically from across the table.

"How was work today, Dad?" she asked her father as Mrs. Cole went into the kitchen for the dessert.

"Not too bad," Mr. Cole said, taking a sip of his coffee as his wife returned with a tray of chocolate pudding.

"I thought you were having problems with a group of werewolves in the north?" Mrs. Cole asked, setting a bowl of pudding in front of Remus who thanked her again in a shaky voice.

"We were—or are," Mr. Cole corrected himself, picking up a spoon as his wife put down a pudding for him.

"What were they doing?" Kendall asked interestedly. Mrs. Cole returned to her seat after passing out the pudding. Remus' hands shook slightly as he spooned some of the pudding into his mouth for something to do.

"They weren't following the Werewolf Code of Conduct—the full moon was just a few days ago, you know—and a Muggle village, Lochcarron, I think, up in Scotland lost a few of their teenagers who'd foolishly gone out that night. It was dreadful what they did to them," Mr. Cole said. He stopped, glancing at his wife. Remus noticed she looked positively irate. "Well, at any rate, we had to go up there and find the wretched beasts and the Magical Law Enforcement Squad helped us capture them and wipe the memories of the poor Muggles who were left," Mr. Cole finished quickly.

Remus had nearly choked on his pudding.

"Are you alright, Remus dear?" Mrs. Cole asked. She seemed worried her pudding was not satisfactory. Remus forced himself to stop coughing.

"I must have eaten it too fast," he said in a raspy voice. "It's delicious."

Mrs. Cole nodded to him before looking at her husband. "Let's not talk about that any more, Albert," she said. Remus could tell from her tone of voice that she wasn't asking, but telling him.

"So, Remus," Mr. Cole said, turning his attention away from his wife's stern eyes. "What are your plans after Hogwarts?"

"Oh, I, um, haven't really thought much about it," Remus said honestly, taking a drink of water. He thought Mr. Cole looked disappointed by his response.

"It's coming up quickly though, isn't it?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"I suppose so," Remus said, feeling more and more nervous by the minute.

"Dad, please," Kendall implored.

"Don't act like it's a ridiculous question, sweetheart," Mr. Cole told his daughter. "A man needs to think about his future, Remus," he said turning his attention away from Kendall.

"Yes, sir," Remus said. He felt really sick all of a sudden and knew he probably looked so. _What is he getting at?_

"You really haven't given it any thought?" Mr. Cole asked, picking up his coffee cup.

"Well, uh, I've always thought being an Auror would be quite interesting," Remus said nervously. _As if they'd let someone like _me_ work for the Ministry of Magic._

"It's very hard work, you know," Mr. Cole said. His mood toward Remus was becoming cooler, as though he'd only just realized a reason to dislike him other than the fact that Remus was dating his daughter.

"Remus would be a brilliant Auror," Kendall interjected. Remus smiled across the table at her, but he knew it looked more like a grimace.

"I'm sure he's…passable," Mrs. Cole stated. "But probably not Auror material, is he Albert?"

Kendall turned to glare at her mother. "Neither of you know anything about him!" she said angrily, glancing at both of her parents before getting to her feet and stomping out of the room. The front door opened and then slammed shut, the inhabitants of the dining room all startled by the noise that made the overhead light swing ominously.

Remus sat uncomfortably in his seat for a few moments. "Uh, e-excuse me," Remus stammered awkwardly, getting out of his chair. He hurried out the front door, shutting it softly. From the front steps, he saw Kendall sitting on the tree swing. Her hands were pressed against her face and her shoulders shook. He walked over to her, pulling off his jacket.

"It's cold out," he said. Kendall looked up, wiping at her eyes.

"It's the Equator compared to in there," she said as Remus held out his jacket to her. "Thanks," she said softly, pulling on the jacket. She got to her feet, looking apprehensively at him. "I'm really sorry about them."

"Don't worry about it," Remus told her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear for her. She smiled and he forced himself to smile back.

"They're always hounding me about life after Hogwarts, so they just wanted someone else to pester about it," Kendall said, rolling her eyes.

"That doesn't bother me," Remus lied. He must have sounded convincing because she didn't say anything else about it, but wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, resting her head against his chest. Remus kissed the top of her head before resting his cheek against her hair.

"I'm glad it's not the full moon anymore," Kendall said. Remus felt his jaw tighten. "I don't know why I always ask Dad about his work, it sounds so scary. All those horrible creatures running about, attacking Muggles and even wizards sometimes."

"I'm sure not all of them are like that," he said quickly, hoping he didn't sound as angry as he felt. "Some of them probably don't even like it."

"It's just instinct for them though," Kendall said absentmindedly. "At least that's what dad said. Not that I should ever pay attention to anything _he _tells me anymore. I'm sorry they've been so rude. I don't know what's come over them. Or dad, at least. He's usually really nice to everyone."

Noticing Remus was unusually quiet, she tilted her head up to look at him.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice concerned as she noticed the worry on his face. "You're not letting what dad said about life after Hogwarts get to you?"

"Only a little," Remus said. At least that was a truthful statement. He knew he couldn't really tell her what was bothering him—he'd promised his parents he wouldn't.

_And now I know what Kendall would really think of me if I ever told her._

"Just ignore them, I always do," she said, brushing her fingers against his cheek. "I meant it, you know," she told him, her voice quiet. "You'll be brilliant, whatever you decide to do."

"Thanks," he murmured, a calm smile on his face despite his chaotic thoughts. "You will, too." Kendall smiled before pressing her face against his neck.

They stood silently for a long time, neither of them wanting to return inside.

"Kendall?" Remus said with his lips against the top of her head.

"Yes, Remus?" she asked, leaning back slightly to look up at him.

"I love you," he admitted. He had to say it. In spite of everything she'd been led to believe about werewolves—it was one of the most truthful things he'd ever told her.

She smiled, her eyes shining in the moonlight. "You do?" she asked, her voice wavering with excitement.

Instead of responding with words, he tilted her chin up and kissed her slowly, resting his other hand on her back. Kendall pressed her palms against his cheeks, holding his face against hers.

Even though Remus knew deep down that his happiness couldn't last forever, at least for a while longer, it wouldn't matter what he was.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Upon returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas holiday, second term went faster than ever for Remus. He'd never felt so happy in all his life, even if at the back of his mind he knew it wouldn't last. More and more people were talking of war breaking out between the Ministry and a dark wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort and had been gaining a significant following. This, along with his own sense of anxiety over Kendall's ignorance that he was a werewolf, caused Remus to feel as though a dark cloud was over his head, following him wherever he went.

One Sunday afternoon at the beginning of June, Remus was down by the Black Lake. His eyes were fixed on the shining blue water, not noticing that the sun's reflection off it hurt his eyes.

"There you are."

Remus turned his head to see Kendall coming toward him. He blinked quickly in an attempt to make the sunspots go away.

"I've been looking all over for you," she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Sorry, I was taking a break from studying," Remus said, pointing to his bag on the ground beside him.

"Me too," she said, smiling at him before turning her head toward the water. "Did you see the headline of _The Daily Prophet _this morning? It's just too horrible."

Remus kissed the side of her head, remember the words he'd seen on the newspaper at breakfast: MINISTRY OFFICIAL MISSING FROM HOME—PRESUMED DEAD.

"Are your parents worried?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Well, she worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, so I suppose that's a more dangerous job than Dad's is," she sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. "_I'm _worried, even if they aren't. An article I read on the second page said werewolf attacks having been getting worse in the south and around London. Do you think You-Know-Who's behind it?"

Remus tried not to laugh—he thought it was ridiculous people had started calling this Voldemort fellow You-Know-Who. Even if he was terrifying, Remus didn't see any reason not to say his name. But the situation wasn't at all funny.

"I don't know," he said, his mind remembering the words of the article. "Maybe."

"That Greyback fellow just seems too awful though," Kendall murmured, her face against Remus' chest now. "Apparently he's attacking people even when it's not the full moon."

Remus had read that too. Without realizing it, his hands had turned into fists as he thought about Fenrir Greyback—the werewolf who had made Remus into a monster. He found himself filling with rage at the thought of Greyback. Remus had no idea what he looked like—he'd only been a small boy when he was bitten. But he could vividly remember that night.

It had happened when he was out in the garden. His mom had called for him to come inside, but Remus had ignored her. There was a small colony of gnomes he'd been investigating and was having too much fun chasing them, tossing the ones he caught over the fence.

"Remus John Lupin, if you don't come inside this instant, I'm going to feed your pet toad to Mrs. Lockley's cat!" his mother shouted out the kitchen window at him.

Remus rolled his eyes, laughing at one of the gnomes that had just tripped over its feet. And then he felt as though he were being watched by something close by. He looked around, feeling a strange tingly sensation on the back of his neck. Behind him, a twig snapped. Remus turned to see where the noise had come from, his eyes meeting a pair of large yellow ones. He remembered screaming before the animal's teeth gnashed through the leg of his trousers and he blacked out—but not before he heard his mother call his name again, this time with fear in her voice.

"Remus?" Kendall's voice pulled him back to the present. "Are you alright?"

He felt very sweaty and knew he probably looked pale.

"I, uh—" he stammered, wiping at his forehead. He met Kendall's concerned eyes, feeling incredibly ashamed of himself.

"You're not, are you?" she asked, touching his cheek. "What is it? Did you know the ministry official who disappeared?"

Remus shook his head, looking down. "No, it's—it's not that," he said, loosening the collar of his shirt.

"Tell me what's wrong," Kendall implored after a few moments of silence. He looked at her kind eyes, fear making his heart beat wildly.

"I c-cant," he said looking away again.

"Remus Lupin," Kendall said, her voice firm but kind. "I love you. You can tell me anything."

Remus swallowed and Kendall leaned over and kissed him, as though hoping this would entice him to tell her what was wrong. She pulled back slightly, but Remus placed his hand on the back of her neck, refusing to let her go. He was afraid it would be the last time he would ever kiss her.

He pressed his lips frantically against hers, his heart rate increasing as Kendall's hands rested against his chest, lightly tugging on the front of his shirt. She pulled her lips away from his, kissing his neck instead.

Coming to his senses, Remus pushed her away. She smiled for a moment before her face fell.

"What's wrong?" she asked, remembering her earlier question before they'd gotten carried away. She brushed her fingers through his hair.

Remus looked at her, searching her eyes. She smiled encouragingly at him. He sighed, taking her hand in his, reveling for a moment in the strange electricity that seemed to flow between them.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone," he said finally, brushing his fingers against hers.

"Of course I won't," Kendall said instantly.

"I have your word you'll never tell a soul what I'm about to say?" he asked. Kendall's face fell again as she noticed the serious look in his eyes.

"I promise," she said, her voice shaking. "Remus, what is it? You're scaring me."

He laughed bitterly, his fingers still moving over Kendall's. His hands were shaking and his heart felt as though it would burst from his chest and fall on the grass right then and there.

"I'm…I'm a werewolf," he said, his voice quiet, his eyes on Kendall's face.

Her face turned incredibly pale, her mouth opening and closing as though she hadn't any idea what to say.

"I was bitten when I was very young," he continued unsteadily. "By a—a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback."

Still, Kendall said nothing. Remus thought her eyes looked rather expressionless considering what he'd just told her.

"Please don't make fun of me, Remus," Kendall said suddenly. "You know I'm terrified of werewolves."

Remus swallowed. _She thinks it's a joke?_

"I'm not making fun of you," he said, struggling to keep his voice even. "It's true."

"Professor Dumbledore would never let a werewolf come to Hogwarts," she said immediately. "They're dangerous. If parents thought their children were in danger—"

Remus looked away, his eyes stinging with tears. "You think I'm dangerous?" he asked, pulling his hands away.

"You're not a werewolf," she said, as though saying it aloud would make it true.

"Yes," Remus said, meeting her eyes. "I am."

Kendall stared at him, her eyes full of fear. "Bu-but y-you can't be. W-we…" her voice trailed off.

Remus' heart fell. Not only was there fear in her eyes, but there was something more. It looked like disgust.

"Kendall, I love you," he said, trying to blink his tears away.

Suddenly, she got to her feet as though horrified he would attack her there in broad daylight by the Black Lake.

"No, no, no," she repeated as Remus got to his feet. She backed away from him, holding her hands out. Remus stayed where he was, feeling as though someone had filled his insides with lead.

"Please don't be afraid," he said, attempting to keep his voice even. "I'm not—"

"Not what?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears. "Not dangerous?"

He looked down. He knew he couldn't deny it.

"You-you lied to me," Kendall said, covering her mouth as though shocked.

"No, I didn't," he said, feeling indignant.

"You didn't tell me the truth," she said, her hands shaking.

"Kendall, please, you know that's not me. I'd never hurt anyone," Remus told her. Foolishly, he took a step toward her.

"Don't!" she said suddenly, backing away. "I can't be with a—"

"A what?" he asked, truly angry now. "A monster?"

Kendall's eyes were wide with terror. Remus looked away again.

"Fine," he said. "I know what I am. I just thought you were different."

Without responding, Kendall hurried away, her sobs echoing down the lawn as she ran up to the castle. Remus turned to face the Black Lake, his eyes not seeing what was in front of him. The tears were falling too fast.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Remus walked across the grounds, the clouds obscuring any moonlight. His thoughts were blank and he felt as if he had just experienced the death of a very close friend. As though a part of himself had died, too.

He stopped walking, hearing footsteps behind him. He turned on the spot, coming face to face with the last person he expected to see again. Especially since she seemed to be smiling at him.

"Remus, I'm sorry," Kendall said, coming up to him and taking both of his hands in her own. "Please forgive me."

He didn't respond for a few seconds, feeling very odd.

"Of course I do," he said, returning the smile. They moved toward each other, their lips about to meet when Remus saw it out of the corner of his eye. The clouds had moved away, allowing the moon to illuminate the surface of the lake, it's reflection revealing it to be a full moon.

He pulled away, but before he could let go of Kendall's hands, he felt the transformation take place. Kendall's eyes opened suddenly and she screamed as Remus' hands changed to those of the wolf. He watched her back away quickly as the transformation became complete, but she tripped over something and stumbled to the ground.

Now the werewolf, he sniffed the air with interest, his yellow eyes resting on Kendall. All of a sudden, he lunged at her, his teeth set. She screamed again.

Remus sat up so suddenly he nearly fell out of bed. His heart was pounding furiously and he was covered in sweat. His pajamas were soaked and stuck to his skin.

"Oh, God, it was just a dream," he whispered, wiping at his face. He looked around the dormitory to see if he'd woken anyone up, but the others seemed to still be asleep. He could hear James' snores on the other side of the room.

After he'd spoken with Kendall he hadn't bothered going to dinner. As soon as he realized he should go inside, he'd gone up to Gryffindor tower, straight to the boys' dormitory and climbed into bed. His friends had come up to find him, but he pretended to be asleep. He knew they must have heard at least that they'd broken up. He just prayed Kendall would keep her promise and not tell anyone. He'd get run out of Hogwarts for sure if the rest of the students found out what he was.

He sat in his bed for a few moments, knowing he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep that night. He checked his watch on the bedside table, discovering it was only two-thirty.

With a sigh, Remus climbed out of bed, pulling a sweatshirt over his head before leaving the dormitory and walking down to the common room. He felt relieved when he saw it was empty, taking a seat beside the nearly dead fire. He stared at one of the dimly glowing coals, rubbing his eyes.

After a few minutes, Remus heard a door open upstairs and then the sound of feet padding down the boys' stairs. He stood up, trying to think of an excuse in case an older prefect appeared. He was surprised to see Sirius emerge, blinking tiredly and looking around.

"What are you doing up?" he asked, walking over to Remus had sat down again. Remus didn't answer, looking back at the fire again. After a second, Sirius sat in the chair across from Remus, looking at his friend cautiously.

"Want to talk about it?" Sirius asked. Of course Sirius knew what had happened—even if he didn't know the context.

Remus didn't look at Sirius. "I told her I'm a werewolf," Remus said after a few moments.

"And she—didn't react well?" Sirius probed.

Remus laughed bitterly. "Not at all," he said. "Her father's a Ministry official in the department that registers werewolves and captures the ones that get out of hand."

"You're better off without her, mate," Sirius said. "She's a nasty piece of work if she thinks all werewolves are like the ones she reads about in _The Prophet_."

"Don't speak poorly of her," Remus said, giving Sirius a fierce look. "All her life she's been told werewolves are monstrous beasts that kill for fun. She…she doesn't know any better."

"Remus," Sirius began with a note of trepidation in his voice. Remus thought it was odd Sirius didn't call him "Moony." "You can hear something all your life, but no matter what we've been told, we all make our own choices about what we're going to believe."

Remus knew Sirius was speaking from experience. And he knew Sirius was right.

"I was just so wrong—about everything," Remus said.

"Don't beat yourself up," Sirius told him. "You were right about us. Right about Lily. It's not your fault, mate."

Remus nodded, looking at his hands. "I wish it didn't feel that way."

"She didn't just fool you, though," Sirius said. "She fooled all of us. Don't you think that if any of us had thought she was no good, we'd tell you? You're our best mate, Moony. If any of us deserve to find a girl who thinks the sun shines out of our every orifice, it's you."

Remus couldn't help but laugh at Sirius' last statement.

"Every orifice?" he asked with a chuckle.

"It's just an expression," Sirius said, rolling his eyes, but obviously pleased he'd made Remus laugh. "You'll come through this all right," he added sincerely.

"What if she tells the whole school?" Remus asked nervously.

"Then I'll obliviate everyone's memories," Sirius said with a shrug. "Or you could threaten to transform inside the castle. That would be a big laugh with the Slytherins."

Remus pressed his hands against his face. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that," he said, feeling tired all of a sudden.

"Yeah, then we'd probably have bigger problems, like explaining to Dumbledore why James had transformed into a massive stag and was running his antlers through Snape for bad mouthing you," Sirius said, hoping to lighten the mood.

Remus laughed again. "I'm sure you'd have fun barking at and biting people, wouldn't you?"

"The best thing would be people losing it because they wouldn't know if it was a dog bite or a werewolf bite—they all would be terrified," Sirius said with a laugh. Realizing how loud they were, they both shut their mouths and listened for any sign that someone had heard them.

"I'm sorry though," Sirius said quietly. "You don't deserve it."

Remus nodded his thanks, unable to find words to respond to Sirius.

"Are you coming up?" Sirius asked after five minutes had passed. He'd gotten to his feet.

"I'll be up in a bit," Remus said. Sirius nodded before heading back up to the boys' dormitories.

Remus sat by the cooled fire for another hour, flashes of his awful dream replaying in his mind.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The last two weeks of term seemed to stretch out for years and years. By the time he was on the train back to King's Cross, he felt as though he were a hundred—or close to that. Between the stress of final exams and his attempts to avoid Kendall or her friends, he spent most of the time in the common room, buried behind a stack of books. Even James and Sirius had resigned themselves to studying every night. Although he hated to lose a night of studying, Remus was grateful the full moon fell the week before exams. It gave him a chance to disappear inside himself and forget his pain, at least for one night.

Luckily, Kendall didn't seem to want to tell the entire school about his "condition." Not even her friends seemed to know, and he was sure they would be the first she would tell. From what his friends had heard from listening in to conversations of other students, Kendall had blamed their breakup on Remus' lack of ambition ("How could he expect me to be with someone who had no plans after Hogwarts?") and the fact that he spent too much time with his friends. All in all, Remus didn't mind that the entire school thought he was a terrible boyfriend. At any rate, it was better than the alternative.

Even so, Remus could not get Kendall off his mind. Forget that he was pissed at her, forget that she thought he was a monster—he missed her terribly. Unfortunately, he hadn't been able to avoid her entirely, as they still had classes together and both of them had to eat. And, for some reason, he couldn't stop himself from searching the room for her whenever he walked into the Great Hall or went to class. Whenever he did catch a glimpse of her, his chest constricted and his stomach felt like it had fallen down to his feet, but still he watched her. He'd become a masochist, gaining some kind of pleasure from his pain.

"It'll go away eventually," Lily had told him on the train ride home. James and Sirius were performing their regular hi-jinks in the corridor, Peter trotting after them.

"What if it doesn't?" Remus asked darkly. He turned his head as Kendall and two of her friends passed their compartment. She looked at him, her eyes widening slightly before she hurried past, her friends throwing looks of resentment at Remus before passing.

Lily sighed, noticing the exchange. "It will," she insisted. "One day, you'll find a girl who really loves you for _you_—not just her idea of you. But every part of you."

Remus looked out the window as the countryside became towns until they finally pulled into King's Cross at Platform 9 ¾.

"I just want you to be happy again," Lily told him as the train slowed down. She took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"You and me both," he said, smiling sadly.

James threw the door of the compartment open and dove inside as though someone was pursuing him.

"Hey, Moony, Snivellus is after me for dumping an ink bottle onto his greasy hair—oh, Evans," James said serenely. He had crouched down behind the door, peeking over the edge.

He turned back, noticing that Lily was holding Remus' hand.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," James said, his voice rather cold.

"You didn't interrupt anything," Lily told him defensively, patting Remus' hand before pulling her own away. "I was just telling Remus he doesn't need to worry about that dreadful Kendall Cole because he's better off without her."

James looked greatly relieved. "Oh, right," he said, pretending he hadn't been worried all along. "That's just what we've been telling him."

"That's the first thing we've ever agreed on, Potter," Lily said, flipping her red hair over her shoulder. James opened his mouth to respond, but apparently didn't know what to say because he just sat there like a fish with his mouth open and his eyes blank with surprise.

The train had stopped now and students were chattering happily in the corridor as they filed out onto the platform.

"Oh, we're here," Lily said, her face falling slightly. Remus had a strange feeling that she wished James had come in sooner. "Have a good summer, Remus," she said to him, smiling. "Send me an owl, okay?"

"Oh, I guess," Remus said with a moan, but he smiled at her. Lily stood up.

James clambered to his feet as Sirius and Peter threw the door open.

"Have a good summer, Potter," Lily said to James, who continued to stare at her as though she were on fire. To the surprise of all the Marauders, Lily smiled at James before moving past him and out of the compartment. Remus thought she was still smiling before she disappeared from view.

"I told you _that_ wouldn't be over," Peter said, jabbing Sirius in the ribs with his elbow.

"Don't lose your head now, Prongs," Sirius instructed, but James was already gone. A huge grin had spread across his entire face and he looked as though one good burst of wind would knock him flat.

"Too late, Padfoot," Remus said, grabbing his bag from the overhead rack.

James looked around as though he only just realized he wasn't alone. "She smiled at me," he said in a drippy voice. "_Me_."

"Oh, Merlin's baggy y-fronts, he's gone!" Sirius exclaimed, covering his face.

The four Marauders left the train, parting company on the platform. James and Sirius left to meet the Potters, Peter to find his mother, and Remus was greeted by his parents, both looking rather solemn—as usual.

"Remus, dear," his mother greeted him, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek quickly, as he had grown since he'd last seen her.

"Hi, mum," Remus said, nodding at his dad. "You didn't have to come get me."

"Your mother insisted," Remus' father said. Since disappearances were increasing and war really seemed eminent, Remus knew it was best not to say anything.

John Lupin left to collect Remus' trunk.

"Mum, is he really worried?" Remus asked his mother. She pressed her lips together, looking strained.

"We all are," she said, looking past him. Her eyes focused on something over Remus' shoulder. "Why is that girl looking over here?"

Remus turned his head, his eyes falling on Kendall and her parents. Kendall blushed before looking away, but her parents continued to look at—and glare—at Remus. He swallowed before turning back to his mother.

"That's Kendall," Remus told her, his voice quiet. Noticing the pain in his eyes, Mrs. Lupin squeezed her son's arm. He'd written a short note to his parents near the end of term telling them what had happened.

_Mum and Dad, Kendall and I broke up when I told her what I am. Promised silence. –Remus_

"Let's go, John," Remus' mother said when her husband returned. She shot a furtive glance at the Coles again before turning and walking toward the barrier. John Lupin followed, Remus bringing up the rear. He turned his head one last time, his eyes meeting Kendall's. He looked away quickly, shaking his head, confused by the look of regret he thought he'd seen.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The first month of summer holiday had passed uneventfully for Remus. When he wasn't doing the homework the seventh years had been assigned, he spent his time in his father's small library, reading through volumes on defensive spells and modern wizarding history. One afternoon he even read through a rather old copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_, a storybook his mother read to him when he was a child.

He knew James and Sirius would find it indecent that Remus had already finished his homework by the end of July and wasted his free time reading even more, but Remus knew reading up on how to battle the Dark Arts would prove helpful in the coming years—though his parents hinted this fight may come sooner.

When Remus had been at Hogwarts, he had heard inklings of war on the way. But ever since he'd returned home, and overheard his parents discussing it nearly every day, he knew Lord Voldemort's army was growing in strength and numbers. The only question that remained was when it would occur—and who, if anyone, would rise up to stop it.

On the last Saturday in July, Remus and his parents apparated to London in order that his parents could go to Diagon Alley. Remus, after arguing with his parents, asked to stay out in Muggle London. His parents insisted he invite James and Sirius to meet him there, as they, like Remus, were of age and could use magic whenever they liked. It had been discovered that Peter would be away visiting his grandmother in Scotland.

"Are you sure they're coming?" Remus' mother asked him nervously looking around once they'd apparated outside the Leaky Cauldron.

"You know they're always late, mum," he told her. "I'm just going to go sit over there. I'll send my Patronus if I need you."

"Oh, all right," she said, looking anxiously at her husband who nodded. "We're meeting Mr. and Mrs. Larson for lunch, so we'll be a while."

"I'll be fine, mum," Remus insisted. "I'm of age."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "See you in a bit."

Remus forced a smile before watching his parents enter the Leaky Cauldron. Muggles passed by quickly, none of them noticing where the elder Lupins had vanished.

Being out in the Muggle world was strange for Remus and this was the first time he'd ever been on his own. Noticing an older man look for oncoming traffic before hurrying across the street, Remus did the same, although one of the Muggle carriages sped around the corner, nearly crashing into him.

"Sorry!" Remus apologized as the driver peeled past him, shouting a string of curse words out the opened window.

Feeling on edge, Remus wandered over to a small park, where he took a seat on an empty wooden bench. A few small Muggle children were playing in the grass nearby, their parents looking on disinterestedly.

As Remus kept an eye out for James and Sirius, he couldn't help but notice every small, dark haired girl who passed by. Each reminded him of Kendall, even if they truly looked nothing like her.

_After all this time and I'm still not over her. Fantastic._

He sighed as a ball bumped against his foot. A small girl wearing a sun hat ran up to the ball which had stopped a foot away from Remus. The girl, no more than four or five, looked at him cautiously before picking up her lost toy, as though she thought Remus might try and grab it from her. She stumbled as she attempted to pick up the ball. He smiled awkwardly, glancing away. After a few seconds had passed, he looked back down to find the girl still watching him.

He pulled back slightly. When he had first looked at the girl, the eyes that had looked back at him were dark brown, almost black; but now the eyes he met were pale blue. He furrowed his brow. She turned her head to find her parents and Remus noticed bright pink hair sticking out from under the hat.

_Is she a Metamorphmagus? _He thought to himself. Sure enough, as the girl turned to look at Remus again, her eyes turned green. The girl watched him quizzically, as though trying to decide something about him.

"Are you magic?" she asked suddenly.

Remus couldn't help but smile at her. He knew she must belong to some wizarding couple nearby—probably a half-blood like himself. "Magic?" he asked.

"My parents are," she told him proudly. "I reckon I will be too. Did you see my eyes change colors? Sometimes I do it it, but other times it just happens. They're over there," she said all this very quickly before motioning to a young couple deep in discussion a few yards away.

"You shouldn't talk to strangers," Remus told her, still smiling.

"What's your name, then we won't be strangers?" she asked abruptly. "I'm Dora. I'm four." She stuck out her small hand. He shook it.

"Mine's Remus," he told her, thinking she was very talkative for such a young child. She smiled, swinging her arm side to side with Remus' hand still holding hers. He let go of her hand and she giggled.

"Did you go to Hogwarts? My mummy and daddy did," Dora said chattily. "I can't wait to go to Hogwarts. I'm going to be an Auror, you know."

"My, my, you're very ambitious," Remus told her. She nodded solemnly.

"But it would be such fun, don't you think? And scary, but fun just the same. Are you going to be an Auror, Remus?" Dora asked interestedly.

Remus smiled. It was strange to be talking to such a small child about his ambitions.

"Oh, I don't know if I'm tough enough to be an Auror," he told her. "I'm sure I'm not nearly as courageous as you, Dora."

The small girl grinned, patting his hand. "You can be whatever you want to be," she said. "That's what my daddy always tells me. Does yours tell you that?"

Smiling kindly, Remus said, "You should probably get back to your parents. You don't want them to worry."

"I s'pose not," Dora said, glancing at them. Remus noticed the couple had just seen their daughter talking with him. They both looked familiar—and rather angry. "I'm glad to meet you, Remus," she said politely. She bowed to him before hurrying off toward her parents.

Remus smiled as she left, but trying to look as though he wasn't paying attention to them when Dora reached her parents.

"Nyphadora Tonks! You know better than to talk to strangers!" the mother scolded, scooping the little girl into her arms.

"She's fine, Dromeda," the father said, patting his wife's arm.

"It's okay, momma, he's magic, too," Dora said, pointing at Remus. Her parents turned to stare at Remus, both looking rather nervous. Not wanting them to think he was trying to kidnap their daughter, Remus got to his feet, walking over to the couple.

"Hi, Remus!" Dora said happily when he'd reached them. Remus ignored Dora, looking at her father instead.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you or anything. She just started talking to me," Remus said. The father furrowed his brow, as though trying to remember something.

"Remus…Remus Lupin?" the man asked suddenly after a few moments.

"Yes," Remus said, confusion on his face.

"I was a seventh year when you were sorted into Gryffindor," he said, holding out his hand. "Ted Tonks."

"Oh, right," Remus said, taking Ted's hand.

"My wife, Andromeda," he said, motioning toward her. "And Dora of course. Getting into trouble, as usual."

Little Dora wrinkled her nose at her father. Andromeda's eyes watched Remus carefully, her gaze rather steely. Remus recognized her as one of Sirius' elder cousins. He thought it odd she married Ted, as Remus remembered he was a Muggle-born. Apparently Andromeda had more in common with Sirius than the rest of the Black family.

"I was actually waiting on Sirius and our friend James," Remus told, addressing Andromeda. She flipped her dark hair over her shoulder.

"I haven't seen my cousin in quite some time," Andromeda said coldly. "Give my regards to him and the rest of our family."

"Well, Sirius doesn't see much of them, really," Remus said.

"Yeah, got booted out of Grimmauld Place, didn't I?"

Remus turned to see James and Sirius walking up behind him.

"You know how loving my mother is, dear cousin," Sirius said, grinning at Andromeda.

"I'm sorry," she said, shifting Dora in her arms.

"And who's this?" Sirius asked, stepping forward. James stayed beside Remus, clapping him on the shoulder in a hello.

"I'm Dora," the little girl said, grinning at Sirius.

"Hello there, ma'am," Sirius said, smiling back at her. "I'm your disowned distant cousin, Sirius."

Andromeda narrowed her eyes at Sirius' joke.

"Aw, come on, I know you're not exactly on friendly terms with your mother," Sirius said, smiling at Andromeda, who sighed and smiled slightly. "Of course, we all know we're better off without those nasty old toss-pots, Dora."

"What's a toss-pot?" Dora asked interestedly, smiling at Sirius.

"Be careful who hears you say such things, Sirius," Andromeda said, glancing around cautiously.

"Will that Voldemort chap and his goons going to pick a fight with me in the middle of a Muggle park?" Sirius joked, looking over his shoulder in mock fear.

The jovial smile on Ted Tonks' face turned into a frown. "Just be careful," he said seriously, looking at each young man. "You joke, but you don't know what they're capable of."

Remus felt a shiver run down his spine at Ted's words. He glanced at his friends. The cheer had disappeared from their faces.

"I know," Sirius said. "I heard my parents fawn over that lot enough."

"We should go," Andromeda said after another glance around the park as though she expected to see something sinister. But the Muggles continued to laugh happily and the sun shone brilliantly.

"It was nice to see you again, anyway, Sirius," she said quickly. "Take care of yourself."

Sirius nodded. "You too."

"Bye, Remus!" Dora called happily before being traded into her father's arms.

Remus gave her a small smile before the Tonks hurried away, turning on the spot on the corner of a deserted street.

"That was…interesting," James observed, turning to look at Remus. "I think Dora has a crush on you," he joked.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Are your parents worried?" he asked James. Sirius and James traded a secretive glance before James spoke.

"Of course," Prongs said. "I'm just glad we're of age now."

The three friends turned to head to Diagon Alley. Remus thought James' words had a strange ring to them—as though he couldn't wait for the day when his help would be needed. Remus shuddered, but the other two did not notice.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Remus was home alone on the last week of term. Both his parents were at work, but expected to return shortly. Taking advantage of his parents' absence, Remus had spread out his books on the living room floor, reading them at his leisure as ate sweets he'd gotten on the last Hogwarts trip to Honeydukes.

He glanced at the clock and, seeing it was nearly four, sat up to clean up the rather large mess he'd made. He picked up his wand and muttered a spell that would stack the books for him. He sighed when he saw the pile was leaning precariously to one side.

"Bloody hell," he muttered to himself, walking over to manually straighten the books. As he shifted the books around, there was a knock on the front door. Surprised by the noise, he nearly dropped the book he was holding.

"Who could that be," he wondered aloud, snatching his wand off the living room floor before walking out into the hall. Through a slit in the curtains, he saw it was Dumbledore.

Remus opened the door quickly, stowing his wand in his pocket.

"Ah, Remus," Dumbledore said placidly.

"Professor Dumbledore," Remus said. "What—what are you doing here?" he asked, confused. The last time Dumbledore had been at the Lupins' was to ask Remus if he would come to Hogwarts when he was eleven.

"I came to speak with your parents," Dumbledore said, glancing around. "Perchance, are they at home?"

"No, but they, uh, should be here any moment," Remus told him. "Won't you come inside?"

"Yes, yes, thank you." Dumbledore walked past Remus and into the living room. Remembering the mess he'd left, Remus shut the door before quickly following after him.

"Sorry about the mess, Professor," Remus said, hurrying around the room, snatching up sweets wrappers from the floor and picking up a few books.

"Oh, there's no need," said Dumbledore, waving his wand. The books in Remus hand, along with those in the large pile, flew out of the room. Remus thought he heard them wiz down the hall to the library before thudding onto their shelves. With another wave, the sweet wrappers had jumped off the floor and into the nearby bin.

Smiling, Dumbledore took a seat in the armchair by the fireplace.

"Please, Remus, sit," he said, motioning toward the couch.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" Remus asked.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself," said Dumbledore. He waved his wand again and a teapot materialized, along with a set of teacups, all of which floated in midair. Seconds later, steam streamed out of the teapot and Dumbledore reached for one of the cups. "Could I interest you in a cup, Remus?" Dumbledore asked, pouring tea into the cup he held.

"Thank you, sir," Remus said. As he reached for the cup in Dumbledore's hand, his mother walked through the front door.

"Remus?" she called out.

"In here," Remus said, holding his cup of tea. His mother entered the room, shock crossing her face as her eyes settled on Dumbledore.

"Why, Albus, we weren't expecting to see you, were we?" she asked. Remus thought she looked worried.

"No, I must apologize for popping in," Dumbledore said, getting to his feet. "I wanted to speak to you, John, and, if you'll permit it, Remus."

She glanced at Remus, who took a drink of his tea.

"John will be home in a few minutes," she said tentatively. "We'll see what he says."

"Of course," Dumbledore said cheerfully. He offered Remus' mother some tea, who accepted it with thanks. Some moments later, John Lupin returned home, kicking off his shoes at the front door.

"Oh, John, come in here," Remus' mother said.

"Ghastly day at work—oh, Albus, hello," said John, glancing quickly down to his sock-covered feet. "Forgive me," he apologized quickly, grabbing his wand to retrieve his shoes.

"Don't be," Dumbledore said. "I'd just like a quick word with all of you and then I shall inconvenience you no longer." Dumbledore motioned for John to have a seat next to his wife.

"I know it will come to no surprise to any of you that a wizard who goes by the name of Lord Voldemort is becoming more and more powerful every day," Dumbledore said.

"Is it all true?" Remus' mother asked. "Everything they're saying in _The Prophet_?"

"The Ministry is being very selective about what they tell _The Prophet_. Unfortunately, it's all true—but they're not printing everything. I hate to tell you that things are much worse than the Ministry is letting on."

A silence had fallen over the room as Dumbledore spoke.

"It is also unfortunate that Voldemort has gained a large faction of followers, known collectively as Death Eaters, who have been carrying out most of the attacks on Muggles and wizards alike. Not only are wizards joining Voldemort, but he also has any number of Dark creatures at his command: Inferi, giants, and—" Dumbledore met Remus' eyes "werewolves."

Remus heard his mother gasp.

"What are we to do, Albus?" John asked, taking his wife's hand.

"I know I have no business asking others to put their lives on the line, but I have organized—at the moment—a small collection of witches and wizards committed to stopping Lord Voldemort, known as the Order of the Phoenix."

"Stopping him from doing what?" Remus asked. His parents turned to look at him with wide eyes, as though they had forgotten he was in the room.

"Voldemort hopes to gain control; first of the Ministry of Magic and then the Muggle world," Dumbledore explained, his blue eyes looking into Remus' as though he could read the boy's thoughts. "Purity of blood is what Voldemort, and his followers, are after. To subjugate the Muggles and those deemed 'unworthy'—such as Muggle-borns and Squibs."

Dumbledore turned his attention to Remus' parents.

"I know it is a lot to ask. If you do not wish to fight alongside the Order, I do hope I can count on your support to provide a safe location for our members who are forced from their homes and into hiding."

"Is there really going to be a war, Professor?" Remus asked.

Dumbledore suddenly looked very old.

"I believe the Muggle Prime Minister a few decades ago said it best: _The whole fury and might of the enemy must very soon be turned on us…But if we fail, then the whole world…including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science._ Yes, Remus, I'm afraid it is," Dumbledore said.

"Winston Churchill said that," Remus said. He'd only just read through that speech earlier in the day.

"Top marks," Dumbledore said, winking at Remus.

"Albus, of course we'd like to help you," Remus' father said. "In any way we can."

"Thank you, John," said Dumbledore.

"I'll help, too," Remus said quickly.

"No, you won't!" his mother told him.

"I'm of age!" Remus said loudly.

"You're still in school!" his father replied, his voice firm.

"I'm old enough to fight!" Remus insisted, looking imploringly at Dumbledore.

"Now, now, I do not wish to cause a row," Dumbledore said, holding his hands up. "Remus, your parents know what's best for you, and I quite agree with them." Relief crossed the elder Lupin's faces. "However, once you've finished your seventh year, if you still wish to join the Order, we'd be happy to have such a talented wizard on our side, Remus."

Remus glanced at his parents. Their faces were stony again.

"Doesn't…doesn't his condition make him more…" Remus' mother began. She was unable to finish.

"I am not insinuating Remus would be met by other members of the Order without some resistance—unfortunately, most wizards still mistrust those who become werewolves at the full moon. I wish it were not so. Remus is no more dangerous than I am—whatever Lord Voldemort or his followers may claim about those werewolves who have joined their side. I am very proud of the way Remus has conducted himself at Hogwarts."

Remus had to look away from those piercing blue eyes. Neither Dumbledore nor Remus' parents had any idea James, Sirius, and Peter accompanied him nearly every full moon as unregistered Animagi.

"Even though that Snape boy was nearly attacked?" John asked, glancing at Remus. He had known Dumbledore had told his parents about Severus' sneaking into the Shrieking Shack.

"That, of course, was not Remus' fault. Mr. Black and Mr. Potter acted foolhardy, of course, and they should have known better than to lure Mr. Snape in after a werewolf, but their intent was not to harm Severus. We all know Sirius and James are much too fond of tricks and pranks. Severus was very lucky Mr. Potter stopped him from going any further—he owes his life to James."

Remus knew Severus didn't see it that way and he really didn't blame him.

"That incident proves it would be dangerous for Remus to work closely with others," his father said. Remus felt himself growing angry.

"Are you trying to say that I'm unstable because I'm a werewolf?" Remus practically shouted. His parents looked at him, horrified by his outburst.

"No, of-of course not," his mother said, glancing sideways at her husband. "It's just not prudent."

"At least I'll finally be able to do something with my life!" Remus said, getting to his feet. "Don't pretend you haven't been worrying over what will happen to me after Hogwarts. If they manage to pass any restrictive legislation in the Ministry, I'll have no chance."

"Remus, we can discuss this later," his father said sternly. Remus shut his mouth. He immediately recognized the look in his father's eyes—to argue any more at present would be futile.

_At least Dumbledore had said I could join if I wanted._

"Albus, please let us know what we can do to help," John Lupin said, directing his attention away from his son.

"Of course, John," Dumbledore said. "I will trespass on your time no longer. But I'm very pleased to have your support." He met Remus' eyes with a significant look in his own.

"Well, I must be off," said Dumbledore, getting to his feet. With a wave of his wand the tea pot and cups had all disappeared. "I shall see you in a few weeks time, Remus."

"Yes, sir," said Remus with a nod.

"Oh, I do love this room," Dumbledore said, looking around with a smile. "The curtains are very lovely." Remus' mother smiled with surprise.

"Why, thank you, Albus," she said. "They're from my mother's house. Stitched by my Muggle grandmother."

"Ah," said Dumbledore thoughtfully. "How extraordinarily gifted she was."

He nodded to them before heading to the front door, Remus' father following him out. His mother looked at him, but Remus avoided her eyes.

"I'm going to go do some homework," Remus muttered, leaving the room before his father returned. He knew they would talk about it, but he didn't care. He didn't want to argue with them anymore. He knew what he would do once he left Hogwarts.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"So, Dumbledore actually _came to your house_?" James asked, a large bite of pumpkin pasty in his mouth.

Remus and his friends were on the Hogwarts Express, once again on their way back to Hogwarts. For the last time.

"Yeah, I'm still not sure why," Remus said.

"Blimey," Sirius said, grabbing a chocolate frog from the pile on the seat next to him. "What do you reckon the Order of the Phoenix does? Chase down the slimy Death Eater gits?"

As though on cue, a group of Slytherins walked past the closed door of the Marauder's compartment. Severus noticed the four friends, narrowing his eyes at James particularly.

"Oh, bullocks, I forgot about the ink," James said, giving Snape a small wave. Behind Severus, a fifth year Slytherin made a rude gesture at the Gryffindors.

"If I wasn't so full," Sirius began as the Slytherins finally moved past, "I'd go hex them." He stretched his arms over his head. He yawned widely, scratching his stomach absentmindedly.

"It must really be happening," Peter murmured, his eyes following the Slytherins. "If Dumbledore's worried about it."

"Well, I can't wait to join the fight," James said, flexing his wand arm.

"It'll be dangerous," Remus said, rolling his eyes at Prongs.

"What's life without a little danger?" he asked. "Don't be a killjoy, Moony. Besides, I've heard all about what that lot believes in. Lily told me—"

"_Lily_?" Remus cut James off, raising his eyebrows. "When did you start calling her that?"

"Oh, they've been writing all summer," Sirius said, bored as though he'd heard James talk about it too many times. "He even saw her one day—in Diagon Alley."

James blushed furiously and turned his head to glare at Sirius.

"Shut it, Padfoot," James said.

"So, you're friends now?" Peter asked interestedly.

"I'd say Prongs has got a little more than friendship on his mind," Sirius joked, grinning. Remus laughed.

"Watch out though," Peter advised, looking at James. "I hear Snape's always been sweet on her."

"_Snivellus _can shove it," James said darkly. "It's obvious Lily doesn't feel the same way about him. He's too enthralled by the Dark Arts—she told me so herself."

"Oh Merlin, can we stop talking about Lily and James, please?" Sirius asked in a disgusted voice. "I've heard about it all summer and it'd be nice to hear some _intelligent _conversation for once."

James rolled his eyes at Sirius who looked as though he couldn't care less. Typical Sirius.

"Let's talk about the Order some more," Peter suggested. Remus thought he seemed overeager to hear more about it, although Peter always seemed overeager.

"Yeah," said Sirius in agreement. He looked at Remus. "Have you made up your mind to join it after this year?"

"I think so, although my parents won't be too happy. But I know it's the only chance I've got to make a difference and _do_ something," Remus told them. "Not very many people are keen on hiring werewolves."

"Did you read that article in the _Prophet_? Some Ministry hag—Under-the-bridge, or something, was her name—is trying to pass anti-werewolf legislation—to keep them from holding jobs like the rest of the wizarding world," James said quickly. Remus was shocked James had actually read a newspaper for once.

"Did Lily tell you that?" Sirius asked with a snort. James turned beet red as the door of the compartment opened and Lily looked around at them.

"Of course I did, Sirius," she said smartly, shutting the door as she came inside. She took the empty seat next to Remus. "How else would he have known it?"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter all laughed. James looked as though he didn't know whether to be happy to see Lily or murder everyone in the compartment.

"Did you hear about the Order of the Phoenix?" Lily asked, grabbing a licorice wand from the pile beside James.

"We're all going to join and fight those Death Eaters," James said proudly, puffing out his chest.

"Dumbledore asked my parents to join—or at least help—last week," Remus told Lily, ignoring James. Lily smiled at James before turning her attention to Remus.

"Really?" she asked with surprise. "How interesting. It's quite terrifying, to be sure, but it's nice to know there are wizards and witches out there ready to stand up to Voldemort."

"What are they after?" Peter asked from his spot next to Remus.

"The Ministry," Sirius said. "And, well, Muggle-borns." Sirius gave Lily an apologetic look.

"They're terrorists," Lily said, apparently not thrown by Sirius' comment.

"Voldemort wants to make himself the most powerful wizard of all time. More powerful than Grindelwald ever hoped to be," Remus said.

"Wow," Peter said. Remus was not sure if he was terrified or in awe of the prospect of Voldemort subjugating Muggles, eliminating Muggle-borns, and taking over the Ministry.

A silence fell over the group. Lily broke it first.

"Are you excited to be back, Remus?" she asked. Remus noticed James was watching Lily closely, as though he thought she would disappear.

"Yes and no," Remus said. "It is rather daunting to be nearly done."

"I agree," Lily said. "Hogwarts has always felt so secure and stable, as though nothing could touch us here. And soon we'll be thrown out into the great big world. Who knows what the coming years will bring."

Remus saw Sirius swallow. Beside him, Peter was twitching nervously. Only James seemed rather calm, as he continued to stare at Lily.

None of them spoke for a long time. Remus glanced out the window on the dark landscape, unable to see much except for a few tree branches illuminated by the lights of the train cars.

"Would you go out with me?" James burst out suddenly. Everyone jumped in their seats at the sound of his voice, which was rather loud compared to the earlier silence.

All the boys were now looking at Lily, whose cheeks had turned rather pink.

"Oh, al-alright," she stumbled, brushing her red hair out of her face. She hastily got to her feet. "See you at the feast," she said quickly before hurrying out of the compartment.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter all turned their heads to look at James.

"It was bound to work eventually," he said, looking rather proud of himself.

"She looked like a deer in the headlights," Sirius said with a laugh. Remus snorted.

"She doesn't know about Prongs, does she?" Peter asked.

"I think she's heard us call him that enough, Wormtail, to figure it out," Sirius said, laughing so hard tears were coming out of his eyes.

"Merlin, Padfoot," James said superiorly, a look of annoyance crossing his face. "Don't wet yourself."

Both Remus and Peter doubled-over with laughter.

"Not you, too," said James. Sirius clutched his sides as Peter fell off the bench, shaking on the floor instead. "Bloody hell, Wormtail."

James ran his hand through his hair, looking out the compartment door as his three friends laughed hysterically.

"You're so embarrassing," James said, trying not to laugh. He gave in and for the rest of the ride to Hogsmeade, the four Marauders laughed more than they had all summer.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

The first month of term went by very quickly for Remus and the rest of the Marauders. As seventh years, they'd been assigned mountains of homework in each of their classes and no one had more homework than Remus, who was taking the most classes. James was also fairly busy, as he'd been named Gryffindor Quidditch captain and spent what little free time he had planning practices and discussing tactics with his team members. Although James was becoming increasingly distracted by the fact that Lily had begun to give him more positive attention. They'd fixed their date for the first Hogsmeade trip, which fell on the first Saturday in October. Sirius, Remus, and Peter wasted no time in teasing James about Lily, whenever she wasn't around, at least. Lily had been spending more time with the four friends than she ever had. None of the minded though, as she kept James in check without meaning to and always laughed at their jokes even if they were stupid.

But try as he might, Remus could not avoid Kendall Cole entirely. They now had three classes together, as there were not enough students from all four houses to fill separate N.E.W.T.-level Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, or Potions classes. This meant all the Marauders—except for Peter—shared Potions class with Snape and the Slytherins for the seventh year in a row. Despite the fact that Sirius and James were the best in most of their subjects, Snape was clearly more gifted at Potions. Only one student was more talented and that was, to the pride of James, Lily.

Tensions were already high between Snape and James, as word had gotten around that Lily Evans would be going on a date with James Potter during the first Hogsmeade visit. This added to Snape's already intense hatred of James and, by extension, the rest of the Marauders.

"Snivellus is looking daggers these days," Sirius said, loud enough so Snape could hear him, as the Marauders passed the Slytherin table in the Great Hall.

It was Saturday morning, the day of the Hogsmeade trip. James had taken great care in readying himself for his date. He'd attempted to comb his hair, but had given up when he'd been unable to make it lie flat.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so nervous," James said, shaking his hands at his sides as the boys sat down. Remus tried not to laugh but Sirius made not the slightest effort to hide his sarcasm.

"You've met before," Sirius said, grabbing some toast.

"What if I make a fool of myself?" James asked, looking at his empty plate.

"It wouldn't be the first time, Prongs," Remus said before he could stop himself. "You'll be fine," he added, feeling extremely disappointed in himself for making that comment. James nodded, as though he hadn't heard any of them.

"Why the bloody hell does Kendall Cole keep looking over here?" Sirius asked loudly. Remus turned to look at the Ravenclaw table and Kendall looked away after her eyes met his for a brief moment. A sixth year Hufflepuff boy with blonde hair was beside her, talking animatedly.

"Who's that?" Remus asked, turning back around. He hoped he sounded nonchalant. Sirius looked at the Hufflepuff.

"I dunno," he said, taking a bite of toast.

"He's holding her hand," Peter observed. Sirius jabbed Peter in the ribs as Remus felt his stomach churn. He looked up at his friends, who looked slightly horrified. Remus turned his head again and saw that what Peter had said was true. He got to his feet, feeling as though the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

"Where are you going, Remus?" Lily asked. She had walked over to the Marauders at just that moment. Her face was worried as she looked over to the Ravenclaw table. "Come on, sit down with us."

She gently took Remus' arm and forced him to sit down beside James again.

But as they finished breakfast, Remus didn't eat anything and didn't speak again. He forced himself to keep from looking at Kendall and the Hufflepuff, not really hearing anything James told Lily about the upcoming Gryffindor Quidditch match against Hufflepuff.

Later that morning, the five of them left Hogwarts for Hogsmeade. Upon reaching the village, James and Lily left for their date, Sirius wolf whistling as they walked away. Peter laughed, but Remus couldn't. He'd just noticed Kendall was walking along the High Street with the same boy. He wasn't holding her hand, but was walking rather close to her.

"Let's go to Zonkos," Sirius suggested, noticing Remus' stare. They turned and walked in the opposite direction of Kendall and the Hufflepuff. Sirius and Peter perused the shelves of frogs spawn soap and dungbombs, but Remus was so distracted he nearly knocked over a display of nose-biting teacups.

"Alright, Moony?" Sirius asked after twenty minutes. Peter looked up from the sugar quill he was examining to wait for Remus' response.

"Fine," said Remus, feeling uncomfortable.

"Want to walk to the Shrieking Shack?" Peter asked once they were outside again, Sirius and Peter both carrying their purchases.

"Oh, yes," Sirius agreed. "It's hilarious to watch the younger kids come up all terrified because they think it's haunted."

When they reached the Shrieking Shack, a few third years were standing beside the fence, looking rather terrified but elated to be standing so close to the building.

"Is that right? This here's the most haunted building in Britain?" Sirius asked loudly. The sudden sound of his voice made the third years nearly jump out of their skin.

"Merlin, Sirius, really?" Peter asked, joining the charade. Sirius nodded glumly.

"A witch murdered her entire family right at the dinner table simply because they told her the brisket was too dry and her pudding was lumpy," Sirius said, his voice grave. "So now they haunt the house, anxious to avenge themselves. A few years ago, a student got too close to the house and was never seen again." Sirius said this very slowly for effect. The third years were obviously petrified, as though any moment they thought a ghost would come out and eat their flesh.

"Boo!" Sirius shouted at them. They all screamed before running back toward the village.

"That was really nice, Padfoot," Remus said in an annoyed voice.

"Well, I couldn't tell them it's just you, could I?" Sirius asked, leaning his back against the fence. Remus sighed, resting his elbows on the fence post. Peter gave a small yelp.

Sirius looked at Peter for a moment, who motioned to something behind Remus.

"Uh, Moony—" Sirius said, his voice trailing off. Remus turned his head to look at Sirius, whose eyes darted to whatever Peter had noticed. Confused, Remus twisted himself around. His eyes widened as he saw Kendall standing alone a few yards away.

She looked at Remus. "Can I talk to you?" she asked, taking a few steps closer. Remus swallowed but didn't say anything, only continued to stare at her.

"Well, um, meet you at the Three Broomsticks," Sirius said after an uncomfortable silence. He motioned for Peter to follow him, both of them looking back at the pair before disappearing from sight.

Remus continued to gawk at Kendall as she moved closer, her eyes darting to the Shrieking Shack. She stopped about two feet away from him, resting one of her arms on the fence. Neither of them spoke for what seemed like a long time, though it was really only a few minutes.

"You know the Shrieking Shack is the most haunted building in Britain," Kendall said conversationally, looking away from Remus' gaze, which still hadn't moved from her.

"It's not," Remus told her. She pulled her head back in surprise.

"I-I heard some people say—" she began, confusion on her face.

"It's where I transform every month," he said, an angry note in his voice. "What do you want?" he asked suddenly.

Kendall didn't speak for a moment, as though shocked by his brusque behavior.

"I just…I wanted to apologize," she told him.

Remus snorted. "Apologize? For what?" he asked angrily. "For treating me like a monster when I told you the biggest secret of my life? For being disgusted by what I am? There's a long list, sweetheart, so you'll need to be more specific."

Kendall's eyes filled with tears, but she didn't back away at his outburst.

"You have every right to be angry with me."—"You're damn right I do!"—"But this summer has made me see things differently," Kendall insisted, ignoring his interruption.

Remus stared at her. If he'd been able to see himself, he would have thought he looked insane.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you, Remus," she told him. "I thought that once I got home, I'd be able to, but I wasn't. So I started reading about werewolves when my parents were asleep. I'd sneak down to my father's study and read through everything I could find. And I stated to be less scared."

"How nice for you," Remus interrupted, his voice dripping with resentment.

"I know I was horrible! And I'm sorry," Kendall said, becoming exasperated. "All my life I've been told how dangerous and horrifying werewolves are. It's no excuse, but it's the truth."

He looked at her, his mind recalling that morning.

"Who's that Hufflepuff?" he asked suddenly. "Your boyfriend? Not that I care," he added as an afterthought.

"No, he's not," Kendall said defensively. "We're friends."

Remus held up his hands. "I don't care," he repeated. "I was only asking."

She rolled her eyes. "You're impossible, Remus Lupin!" she said, becoming angry herself. "I'm trying to apologize and all you can do is act like an arse."

Remus clenched his teeth. He was beyond angry now, he was livid. He wasn't even sure where it was coming from. "Why do you even care about apologizing?" he asked. His voice was so loud, he was pretty sure the entire village could hear it. "You made it very clear in June that you want nothing to do with something so repulsive and disgusting."

"Would you just shut up about that," she said, looking incensed. "Merlin! You're acting like I murdered your entire family and tried to kill you, too."

"There's no reason to be so dramatic," Remus said deadpan.

"God, you're infuriating," she said, glaring at him. Remus returned the glare.

Suddenly, Kendall threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the mouth. He didn't kiss her back. He found he couldn't move at all, but only widen his eyes.

After a few moments, Kendall realized he wasn't kissing her back. She pulled away, her eyes on his shocked face.

"I'm so sorry!" she said nervously. Without waiting for a response, Kendall turned on her heel and practically ran back to the village.

Remus stood unmoving for the next ten minutes, replaying the entire scene over in his mind.

"Nope, I never expected that," he said aloud as he walked slowly back toward the village to find Sirius and Peter. "Maybe they'll be able to tell me what the bloody hell just happened."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Remus found Sirius and Peter outside the Three Broomsticks, whispering to one another. They looked up when they saw Remus coming and got to their feet. Remus stopped in front of them, his face impassive.

"So, what happened?" Peter asked cautiously. Remus looked around, noticing a couple of people were staring at him.

"Did, er, Kendall just walk through here?" he asked.

"A right state she was in," Sirius said with a nod. "What'd you do to her? Give her a piece of your mind, did you?"

"A bit," Remus told them, nervous from the looks he was getting. "I'll tell you on the walk back."

As the three friends walked down the road back to Hogwarts, Remus told his story, with frequent interjections from Peter and Sirius.

"Blimey," Sirius said, looking sideways at Remus. "Who'd have ever thought Kendall Cole wouldn't be over you?"

"What are you gonna do?" Peter asked after Remus didn't say anything.

"I dunno," he replied with a shrug. "Is that James and Lily up ahead?"

They all looked in the distance, seeing a dark haired boy and a girl with long red hair walking side by side.

"I'd bet my wand," Sirius said. The three of them watched the pair in silence. Remus noticed both seemed to be enjoying themselves, as they appeared to be in conversation. Drawing nearer to the castle, James took Lily's hand.

"Watch out," Sirius muttered, as though giving a play by play.

To their great surprise, Lily didn't react at all as they expected. She let him continue to hold her hand and she even seemed to be smiling.

"Look at that," said Sirius in an amused voice. "Looks like you owe me five Galleons, Wormtail."

"What exactly did you bet on?" Remus asked as they walked.

"I bet Padfoot that Lily would sock Prongs if he tried to hold her hand today," Peter said rather glumly.

"Have you got five Galleons?" asked Remus as they followed a bend in the road. As they came around it, a large group of rowdy students came into view up ahead of Lily and James.

"That doesn't look good," Sirius muttered. Remus broke into a run, with Sirius and Peter following behind him. James and Lily had stopped.

"What's going on?" Remus asked as he came up beside them.

"Dunno," James said, still holding Lily's hand.

"Slytherins," Sirius spat, stopping next to Remus.

"Hey!" Lily shouted at the Slytherins. As they turned around, Remus saw that they all looked angry. A few younger students were in the middle of the mob and none of them were Slytherins. Severus Snape was the first to step forward from the group.

"What do _you_ want?" he sneered.

"Leave those kids alone," Lily said firmly. Remus noticed Severus look at James and Lily's clasped hands. His expression changed from anger to outright hatred.

"Why doesn't your _boyfriend_ make us?" Amycus Carrow asked, walking up beside Severus. All the other Slytherins jeered except for Snape, who looked as though he wished he could kill James or dissolve into thin air.

"Just leave those kids alone, Carrow," Remus said. "Or I'll go find a teacher."

"Oh, is little ickle prefect Remus Lupin going to tattle on us?" Carrow laughed. The other Slytherins joined in. Still Snape stood there, gaping at Lily and James.

Remus saw that Lily noticed Snape's gaze, but instead of pulling away from James, she gave his hand a perceptible squeeze, smiling at him.

"We don't want any trouble, Carrow," James said authoritatively. Remus felt his own eyes widen at James sudden burst of maturity.

"Is Potter too grown-up to hex anyone now?" Snape asked. His face was chalky white and he looked as though he were about to throw up.

"I'm not, _Snivellus_," Sirius said menacingly, "So you best look out."

"Is that so, Black?" Snape said, pointing his wand in Sirius' face.

"Severus, put that down," Remus said. Snape ignored him and Sirius pulled out his own wand.

"Unless you want teacups for ears," Sirius threatened. Remus didn't think this sounded at all like a terrible threat and behind him he heard Peter snort.

"Be quiet, Sirius," Remus muttered. A group of students had gathered behind the Marauders and Lily, all interested to see what would happen. Remus glanced over his shoulder, noticing Kendall among them, the blonde boy next to her. Turning to the front, Remus furrowed his brow.

"How very terrifying, Black," Snape said. "That you can turn body parts into dishes."

Sirius made a guttural noise in his throat that sounded curiously like a growl.

_Just what we need._ Remus thought. _Sirius turning into a bloody dog in front of the entire school._

"Stop it!" Lily said. Sirius backed away slightly.

"That's right, listen to the Mudblood," Carrow said. Lily's wand was out in a flash. Before anyone had realized what had happened, she was in front of Carrow, her wand an inch from his nose.

"Say. That. Again," she threatened, each word its own sentence. A hush had fallen on the crowd that had gathered. The other Slytherins backed away from Lily and Carrow, who had gone cross-eyed staring at Lily's wand. A few sparks flew out of the end of it. He swallowed, as though debating whether he should test her or not.

Apparently, Carrow's self-preservation instinct had kicked in. Backing away from Lily's wand, he muttered a few indistinct words to his fellow Slytherins before hurrying off toward the castle. The others followed him, Snape leaving after one last glare at James, who seemed not to notice him. For James was looking at Lily as though she were the only person nearby.

"How anti-climactic," Lily said, walking back to James' side.

"I think they're afraid of you," Sirius joked. Lily laughed and James grinned like an idiot.

Remus looked over his shoulder again. Kendall was still watching him. He looked back at her for a long moment, his mind completely blank. Finally, he turned away, meeting Sirius' eye. Sirius nodded in Kendall's direction, as though urging Remus to go talk to her. Remus' head twitched as though to say no and Sirius widened his eyes.

"Merlin, are you two coming?" James asked. "Or are you just going to make eyes at each other all day."

"Shut it, Prongs," Sirius muttered under his breath, elbowing Remus in the ribs as they walked back to the castle as a group. Lily had taken James' hand once more.

"Why don't you go talk to her, mate?" Sirius asked Remus in an undertone.

"I can't," Remus said. "I wouldn't even know what to say."

"Maybe, 'I'm sorry I was such an arse, Kendall, but it's just because I love you,'" Sirius suggested with a laugh.

"Shut up, I don't," Remus said quickly, glancing around to see if anyone had heard Sirius.

"Fine," Sirius said. "I don't believe you, but fine."

Seething, Remus clenched his hands into fists.

_I don't love her._ He thought to himself with weakening resolve. _I don't. I can't._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Remus didn't speak to Kendall for the next week. Every time he saw her in class he couldn't think of the right words to say and when he saw her outside of class the same Hufflepuff boy was hanging around her. Remus even noticed he'd tried to hold her hand a few times. Remus didn't understand why he was so angered by this. Whenever he noticed he was becoming angry, he tried to remind himself that he was over her, but he knew he really wasn't. No matter how many times he repeated the new mantra in his head, in spite of everything that had happened between them, he still loved her.

"Excited for the match, Prongs?" Sirius asked the next Saturday during breakfast. Today was the day Hufflepuff and Gryffindor would face off in the first Quidditch match of the year. Lily was next to James, who looked more nervous than he had his first match in second year.

"Oh, erm, yeah," James said, nearly flicking egg off his plate and into Peter's face.

"Don't be nervous," Lily said reassuringly, patting James' arm. Remus noticed Sirius widen his eyes and smirk. "You'll be great. You always are." James nodded, looking at Lily as though transfixed.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly and James looked up, dropping his fork on the plate, making a loud clatter.

James gave Sirius a look, but checked his watch before he said anything.

"Merlin, we've got to get down to the pitch," James said, about to stand.

"Good luck," Lily said, giving James a quick kiss on the cheek. In a daze, James stood up and walked away.

"Looks like he's gonna float down to the pitch," Sirius observed. "If we lose because Prongs is distracted, I'm blaming you," he said to Lily. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shut up, Sirius," she said with a grin. "Are you alright, Remus?" Lily asked, noticing he hadn't eaten anything.

Remus looked at his friends, who were all watching him with concern.

"Yes," he lied. Sirius made a face which told Remus he didn't believe him at all.

"We should go down to the pitch," Sirius said after another ten minutes.

"Good idea," Lily agreed, glancing at something over Remus shoulder. The four of them got to their feet, leaving the Great Hall with other students heading down to the Quidditch pitch. As they walked, Sirius and Lily were discussing the outcome of the match. Peter was listening excitedly, but Remus kept his eyes on the ground.

"Cheer up, mate," Sirius said, noticing Remus' mood. As he looked up, someone said his name.

The four of them stopped walking, turning their heads to see who spoke. Kendall was behind them, glancing nervously at Remus.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked. He thought her voice sounded pained. He stared impassively at her for a few moments.

"We'll see you in a bit," Lily said before steering Sirius and Peter away. Kendall grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him out of the path of students walking across the lawn.

"What is it?" Remus asked after a few minutes of silence. "Shouldn't you be wearing yellow for your boyfriend?" he asked before she could answer his first question. He'd noticed she was wearing scarlet and the Gryffindor lion was on her shirt.

"He's not my boyfriend, so just shut up about that already," she said, annoyed.

"What's he doing holding your hand, then?" he asked angrily.

"I told him not to—he isn't my boyfriend," she insisted, glaring at Remus.

"Why did you kiss me?" Remus asked suddenly, ignoring her answer. She looked away, her cheeks turning pink.

"I don't know," she mumbled quietly. Remus stared at her.

"First you freak out and act like I'm diseased, then you ignore me and tell everyone I was a horrible boyfriend, and then you kiss me and you don't know why?" he asked slowly, his eyebrows furrowed.

Kendall bit her lip, still not making eye contact.

"Tell me why," he said softly. She looked up, her eyes shining.

"I still love you," she told him. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh," he said, his mind rather blank. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to process her words.

"I understand if you don't feel the same way anymore. I know I was horrible. I have no right to expect anything—not even your forgiveness. God knows I deserve to be hated by you forever," she said.

"Don't be so dramatic," he said. "Do you know how many times I've wanted to hear you say that? How often I thought about you this summer?"

Kendall smiled. "Really?" she asked hopefully.

Remus sighed. "But I don't know if I can trust you again," he said. Her face fell.

"I…I know," she said quietly. "I just needed to tell you—that's why I kissed you."

Remus didn't respond for a few minutes. "I missed you," he told her. She swallowed, tears filling her eyes.

"I missed you, too," she said, wiping her eyes. She took a step toward him and he didn't move away. Kendall reached out, taking his hand in her own. Even still, he didn't pull away. His heart had sped up at her touch.

"I still love you, too, you know," Remus told her, looking down at their hands. Kendall looked up at him and he met her eyes again. She smiled, reaching up to brush the fingers of her other hand against his cheek. Remus swallowed, grabbing her free hand and pulling it away from his face.

"But it's not enough, is it?" she asked, her eyes brimming with tears again.

"I don't know," Remus told her. Still holding her hands, he ran his thumbs over her palms. "I just need time.

Kendall nodded, a few tears falling down her cheeks. She pulled her hands away, wiping her eyes quickly.

"Sorry, I don't mean to cry all over you," she said, trying to smile. "I hope I didn't embarrass you."

"No, of course not," Remus said, noticing her smile falter. "Please don't be sad."

She pressed her lips together. "I can't really help it," she told him, annoyance edging back into her voice. "Bloody hell, you're infuriating sometimes."

Remus had to smile at that comment. "So are you," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think the match is about to start." He'd noticed no one else was around anymore.

"Please don't make me wait too long," Kendall said.

Remus met her gaze, swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat. "I'll try not to."

Kendall nodded. He thought she would turn and leave, but instead she pushed herself up on tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. A little surprised, Remus reacted better this time. He kissed her back, resting his hands on her waist.

Remus was the first to pull away. He smiled at Kendall.

"Did that help my case any?" she asked. Remus laughed.

"Perhaps a bit," he told her. "We should go."

Kendall nodded. "Alright," she said. They turned and headed for the Quidditch pitch. Once inside the stadium, Kendall left to sit with her friends.

"Everything alright, Moony?" Sirius asked once Remus had found them. Lily's eyes were on him as well.

"Fine," he said quickly. The match had already started. Lily kept her gaze on Remus longer than Sirius, a questioning look in her eyes. Remus nodded as though to say he'd tell her about it later.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Gryffindor easily slaughtered Hufflepuff in the Quidditch match. James even caught the Snitch from right under the Hufflepuff seeker's nose. It looked as though Gryffindor was well on its way to winning the Quidditch Cup for the fourth year in a row.

After the match, James was practically floating. On top of winning, Lily had kissed James' cheek during dinner that night—much to the disdain, Remus noticed, of Severus.

Ever since the altercation between the Slytherins and the Marauders on the road back from Hogsmeade, Severus seemed to be spoiling for a fight. Every time he saw James, Sirius, Remus, or Peter, he looked as though he wanted to hit or curse them. On occasion, Remus heard him swearing under his breath as he passed them. Remus knew it was because of James, who he'd always hated. And it didn't help matters that his once-friend Lily had finally agreed to go out with Severus' most scorned enemy. While James was happier and cockier than he'd ever been, Severus had turned noticeably angrier and even more bitter than before.

"Is it just me, or does Snivellus look like he ate a dirty sock?" Sirius asked on Wednesday afternoon. The Marauders were in the Great Hall for dinner, excepting James, who'd gone to find Lily and walk her down to dinner. ("Can't she walk herself?" Sirius had asked with a laugh.)

Remus turned his head toward the Slytherin table to see Snape looking particularly outraged. He was staring at the entrance to the Great Hall.

"Lily and James are coming," Peter said in an explanatory tone.

"Why's he so hung up on her?" Sirius asked, speaking of Snape.

"Well, he's always hated James, hasn't he? And he was friends with Lily in first year," Remus said, trying not to notice Kendall walk in with the Hufflepuff boy. It made him angry, but he pushed the feeling away, although he didn't understand why she kept going round with him.

"I'd say he fancied her," Sirius said. "Always has."

"Maybe he's just worried about her," Peter said.

"Nah, that's not it," said Sirius as James and Lily sat down.

"What's not it?" James asked, grabbing his goblet of pumpkin juice.

"Remus was just asking if Kendall hung out with that Hufflepuff because their parents are friends," Sirius fabricated. Remus rolled his eyes. _Great. We're gonna talk about that, are we?_

"I'm pretty sure he fancies her," James said. Lily gave him a scathing look. "What—? Oh, Remus knows he'd better get a move on if he doesn't want her to get away again. I know she's not been the best, but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?" he asked.

Four pairs of eyes stared at James in disbelief.

"I'd have never pegged you as a romantic, Prongs," Sirius said with a grin.

"Oh, shut up," James said.

"Why haven't you talked to her yet?" Lily asked, leaning forward to look at Remus. After the Quidditch match he'd been forced to tell them all about what had happened between him and Kendall.

"I –I guess I'm just not sure," Remus said, stabbing a piece of meat with his fork.

"But you love her," Lily said. Remus felt his cheeks turn pink and he noticed James was staring at Lily as though she'd said it to him.

"It all seems simple when you say that," Remus said nervously.

"If that's the truth, then it is simple," Lily told him. James was still staring at her with adoring eyes.

"Do you really think I should trust her again?" Remus asked.

"If you love her," Lily said with a smile.

"Ugh, can we not talk about this anymore?" Sirius asked with mock annoyance. "I'm losing my appetite when the house elves have made my favorite dessert."

To Remus' relief, the topic of conversation changed to homework for the rest of the meal. The seventh years were so busy studying, Remus wondered how he had any time to think about Kendall—but he did. Usually when he was trying to concentrate on his homework.

When they'd finished dinner, the five of them left the Great Hall to return to the common room to start on the night's homework. Unfortunately as they were walking through the Entrance Hall, Severus put himself directly in their path.

"Potter, I saw your potion today in class," Snape spat, his eyes flitting between James' face and his and Lily's clasped hands. "Were you trying to burn a hole through the bottom of your cauldron?"

James glared at Snape. His potion had been rather dreadful since he'd been allowing himself to get distracted by Lily smiling at him.

"I was trying to brew some shampoo that would clean through all that grease on your scalp," James retorted. Snape's pupils dilated with anger. His hands clenched into fists and he looked as though he were about to run at James and punch him in the face.

"Congratulations on winning that Quidditch match," Snape said viciously. "I'm sure you'd have never seen the snitch if that Hufflepuff hadn't been on top of it."

James narrowed his eyes and he reached for his wand.

"James," Lily said quietly, giving his hand a squeeze. James looked at Lily and she gazed imploringly at him.

"Someone's a soft touch now," Snape said, noticing the exchange.

"Severus, be quiet," Lily snapped. "James is my boyfriend now and if you don't like it you can shove it."

Snape's face drained of blood and he looked even angrier, if that were possible. James, on the other hand, was beaming. It was the first time he'd heard Lily call him her boyfriend.

Without responding, Snape turned on his heel, walking briskly toward the dungeons.

"Boyfriend?" James asked, looking at Lily. She blushed but didn't look away.

"Well, aren't you?" she asked him. He grinned, pulled her into his arms and kissed her on the mouth, ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of the Entrance Hall in front of an audience.

"Blimey, get a room, will ya?" Sirius asked in an exasperated but obviously pleased voice. "I'm going to lose my dinner."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Two weeks had passed since the Quidditch match and Remus still hadn't spoken to Kendall, despite the nearly constant urging from Lily and the other Marauders. James had been particularly vocal about it—although he was continuously parroting whatever Lily said instead of saying anything original about the situation.

"Remus, why don't you talk to Kendall?" Lily had urged him at lunch the day before. "I know it must be terrible just waiting."

Remus had shrugged without answering the question. He really didn't know why he hadn't spoken to her. His mind was so occupied by classes, worrying about his future, and the disturbing news found in the _Daily Prophet _every day that he only found time to think about Kendall as he was falling asleep. Not that he slept much with that on his mind.

Kendall hadn't approached him either and Remus couldn't understand why. He supposed she was giving him time to think, but whenever he saw her, the same Hufflepuff sixth year was with her. Remus had discovered his name was Martin Sobir ("A terrible name, really," Sirius had said when he found out). Intelligence Peter had picked up from some younger Gryffindors also indicted Martin was quite taken with Kendall, a fact that angered Remus to no end.

"Talk to her then!" Lily insisted angrily the night before. Remus had been zoned out, looking out the window as they sat in the common room doing homework. When Lily had asked what he was thinking about and he told her he was worrying about the Kendall and Martin situation, she had gotten very aggravated. "Remus Lupin, if you lose Kendall because you're too indecisive, I'll hex you every time I see you!" she said testily. Immediately after, she got to her feet and stalked up to the girls' dormitory.

Remus and the rest of the Marauders were very shocked by Lily's sudden outburst.

"Well, she's right you know," Sirius said quietly. A few minutes later, Remus had gone to their dormitory and gotten into bed. But he didn't fall asleep. His mind worked busily into the early hours of the morning. He'd almost decided what to do when his friends had begun to stir.

Remus was thankful his morning class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Even though James and Sirius were much better at it than he was, it was his favorite class and was happy to lose himself in practicing the latest spell the seventh years were working on.

However, Lily didn't seem to be speaking to Remus or any of the Marauders, with the exception of James. In fact, she had pull James to the other side of the classroom when they'd begun their practice, leaving Sirius, Peter, and Remus to alternate practice on one another.

"It was so much easier when she hated him," Sirius complained as he easily deflected Peter's spell. With James and Lily always together, Sirius had started to feel cast aside. He and James always used to be partners when they practiced in groups.

"It's probably because they just started going out," Peter said as he unsuccessfully dodged the deflected jinx.

"Sorry, I don't mean to complain," Sirius said quickly. "It's just…weird, you know?"

Remus looked over at James and Lily. They were smiling and laughing as they practiced the spell.

"They both look really happy," Peter commented, noticing Remus' gaze.

"Yeah, they do," said Remus. He sighed. He wanted that, too.

Sirius saw the look on Remus' face. "Talk to her, mate," he said. Remus sighed as he turned his focus back to practicing the spell.

The last half hour of class passed rather quickly, although none of them felt as though they had progressed much on the complicated spell—except for Lily, who James had allowed to hit him so many times that he was having trouble walking. He left the classroom with his arm around Lily's shoulder, which neither of them seemed to mind.

As they walked down the corridor, Remus noticed Kendall and Martin about ten feet away, near the Charms classroom. They were talking, standing rather close together.

"Oi, Snivellus up ahead," Sirius said, trying to distract Remus from Kendall and Martin.

Sure enough, Snape was loafing down the corridor. As soon as he saw James and Lily his face changed from its usual unpleasant expression to one of intense loathing. He looked particularly venomous as he noticed James' arm around Lily.

"Looks like trouble," Peter said in an undertone as Snape made a beeline for their group. Apparently he was over Lily telling him to shove it and had finally come up with a way to retaliate. Remus knew there was no other way Snape would intentionally seek James out after the embarrassment of a few weeks ago.

"Have problems in Defense Against the Dark Arts, _Potter_?" Snape sneered, noticing James' legs were still shaky.

"He was just being a gentleman, Severus," said Lily defensively. With James so incapacitated, Remus had noticed he would be unable to properly hold his wand, giving Snape ample opportunity to hex him if the situation called for it.

"I didn't ask you," Snape retorted, keeping his wand at his side. Remus knew Snape didn't dare try to hex James while Lily was so close. Lily, however, had her wand out in a second, although she didn't direct it at Snape.

"Don't be such a prat, _Snivellus_," Sirius said, drawing his own wand and pointing it at Severus, who returned the favor. If he could not retaliate against James, Snape would have no problem directing his rage at Sirius. And the fact that Snape couldn't hex James and Sirius was heckling him seemed to enrage him further.

"Stay of this, Black," Snape said in what he clearly meant to be a menacing tone as a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs walked past, their eyes on the development. However, Sirius laughed as though he'd just heard a very comical joke. A few pretty girls stopped, their eyes on Padfoot. Aware of this, Sirius crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels.

"You know I can't do that, _Snivellus_," Sirius said in a bored voice. He was obviously enjoying the attention of the girls who had stopped. He cocked his head to the side, observing Snape haughtily. Severus narrowed his eyes, pointing his wand at Sirius.

Remus glanced over Snape's head noticing Martin leaning toward Kendall. Without thinking, Remus moved suddenly away from his friends and made his way quickly down the corridor. He noticed Martin looked as though he were about to kiss Kendall when she put her hand on his shoulder to push him away. Lily had called after him as he hurried away, but he ignored her, his eyes narrowed and anger boiling inside him.

"No, Martin!"

Kendall's voice was loud enough that Remus could hear her even though he was still a few feet away. He skirted around a group of fourth years, all watching the Sirius versus Snape altercation. He noticed Martin seemed to have gotten very annoyed and said something to Kendall he couldn't hear.

"Hey, Sobir!" Remus shouted as he drew near. Both Kendall and Martin looked at him, Martin glaring at Remus as he stopped beside them.

"Why don't you stay out of it, Lupin," he said, putting his arm around Kendall's shoulders. She pushed him away.

"Leave her alone," Remus said, his own rage very apparent. Martin laughed bitterly.

Up close, Remus noticed the boy was a few inches taller than he was and he looked a lot stronger as well.

"Why do you care?" Martin asked, squaring his body toward Remus. But Remus didn't back away and instead took a step toward Martin.

"Because she's my girlfriend," said Remus, his voice stern and authoritative, his face right in front of Martin's. "And you need to back off."

"Last time I checked she wasn't, mate," he retorted, giving Remus a shove.

Foolishly, Remus lunged at Martin's middle. Caught off guard, Martin hit the ground hard as Remus' full weight crashed on top of him. In response, he smashed his fist against Remus' face. For a few minutes, there was a scuffle on the ground, Remus throwing punches, Martin returning them in full force. As though far away, Remus heard Kendall and others shouting for them to stop, but they didn't listen.

"MR. LUPIN AND MR. SOBIR STOP FIGHTING AT ONCE!" Professor McGonagall shouted.

_BANG._

Remus and Martin detached themselves from one another only at the sound of Professor McGonagall's wand. They stood up, both looking worse for wear and rather ashamed of themselves. Martin's cheek was rather swollen and Remus could feel the blood dripping out his nose, which was burning with pain.

"Stay right here!" she said, noticing another fight just yards away. Remus looked to find Sirius and Snape in a similar state as Professor McGonagall shouted at them. She had to fire her wand three times to get Sirius off of Snape. While Sirius had escaped with only a few scratches, Snape had two black eyes and a cut lip.

"All four of you follow me," McGonagall demanded. Remus fell into step beside Sirius, who gave him an approving wink and a few people clapped as they passed. However, when he glanced at Kendall as they passed, she did not look at all pleased.

The small party reached McGonagall's office. After shutting the door and walking them up to her desk, she rounded on them, looking angrier than Remus had ever seen her.

"I am astounded at you four! Hogwarts sixth and seventh year students, in my office, for FIGHTING IN THE CHARMS CORRIDOR! And two from my own house!" Her steely eyes rested on Sirius and Remus for a few moments longer than the others. Both Marauders looked down. "And a school PREFECT! I am particularly disappointed in you, Mr. Lupin. You, who sets an example to the entire school! How do you think Professor Dumbledore will feel when he realizes he made a mistake in putting his trust in you?"

Remus swallowed, meeting her eyes again. He had not been thinking about anything except for his anger when he'd attacked Martin.

"I'm sorry, Professor," he said. She acted as though she had not heard him.

"All four of you will receive detention for your abominable behavior. Of course, I will be speaking to your Heads of House to determine a proper punishment for you," she told Martin and Snape. "And fifty points from Slytherin and Hufflepuff for your serious lack of restraint. And I think seventy-five from both Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin."

"ONE HUNDRED FIFTY POINTS?" Sirius asked, his voice raised.

"Watch yourself, Mr. Black, or it will be two hundred," McGonagall shot at him, her eyes threatening. "Mr. Sobir and Mr. Snape, please report to Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing—Professors Sprout and Slughorn will contact you for detention after I speak with them."

Severus and Martin left quickly after they both threw furtively mocking glances at Sirius and Remus.

"Mr. Black," said McGonagall, turning toward Sirius. "I will discuss your detention arrangements with Mr. Filch. I am aware he needs assistance in the Trophy Room for the next few weeks, polishing the silver." She looked back and forth between the two Marauders. Her eyes silenced Sirius' impending reaction to his detention assignment. "I must impress upon the two of you the seriousness of this situation. I do not need to tell either of you how dangerous things will be in the coming years."

"Professor?" Remus asked, as she had paused. She met his eyes.

"I will only say that there may be a time when you need each other."

Remus and Sirius looked at one another, doubting whether either of them would ever need Snape or Martin Sobir.

"Mr. Black, you may return to your common room," she told Sirius, who obviously needed no medical attention. Once the door had shut behind Sirius, McGonagall allowed her eyes to soften. Remus saw the obvious disappointment there and felt his stomach fall.

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated. She observed him over the top of her rectangular spectacles.

"I know," she said. "And I know that you will be much harder on yourself than any punishment I could invent. However, you will be punished. You are suspended from Hogsmeade visits until the New Year and you will take on extra prefect duties along with your own."

"Yes, Professor," Remus said, looking down.

"And Mr. Lupin, do not let me find you in a similar situation ever again," she said. "You may go."

Remus nodded and left the office, wiping at his nose. It seemed to have stopped bleeding, but it hurt very badly. He debated going to the Hospital Wing, but decided against it, as he knew Martin and Severus were probably still there. He turned the corner to go to the Gryffindor common room.

"REMUS!"

Kendall had thrown herself at him. Instead of hugging him, as he had thought she would, she began to punch every inch of him she could reach, except his face.

"REMUS LUPIN YOU COMPLETE _ARSE_!" she shouted, throwing a punch with every word.

"Ow! Ow, stop!" he said, holding up his hands defensively.

"How dare you!" she said, backing away from him. He'd never seen her so angry.

"Well, he had it coming, didn't he?" Remus barked back at her. Kendall narrowed her eyes.

"No. How dare you not speak to me for almost THREE WEEKS!" she said, punching him in the arm one last time.

"Wait," Remus said, massaging his shoulder. "_That's_ what you're upset about? I thought you wanted to be my girlfriend again?"

"That's beside the point," she said, glaring at him. "Don't you EVER do that again, do you hear me? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

Remus smiled, despite the fact that his nose hurt when he did so.

"So you were worried about me?" he asked knowingly.

"Shut up," Kendall said, her anger faltering. She failed at stifling a smile. "You really suck, you know that?" she asked, touching his cheek. "Does it hurt?" She barely touched the end of his nose and Remus winced in pain.

"A bit," he admitted.

"You look bloody awful," she told him with a laugh.

"I've looked worse, believe me," Remus said. Kendall smiled.

"I guess I shouldn't kiss you, then?" she asked. Still, she wrapped her arms around his neck, brushing her fingertips through his hair.

Ignoring the pain in his face and the fact that he knew there was dried blood on his face and shirt and he really had never looked worse than at that moment, Remus leaned down and kissed Kendall slowly, reveling in the relief and happiness of that moment.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

The seventh years had never had as much homework as they did in the months leading up to the Christmas holidays. With all the extra work for their upcoming N.E.W.T.s the following June, the extra prefect duties along with the regular ones, and the regularity of the full moon, Remus barely had time to sleep, let alone spend extra time with Kendall. He didn't know how James was managing to balance Lily, school, and Quidditch—although James' attention to his homework had always been negligent at best. When Remus questioned James on this, he'd shrugged.

"You won't need O's in all your N.E.W.T.s if war's coming, Moony," Sirius added. Peter shuddered convulsively.

Remus knew he was right, but he studied nonetheless. While the others kept to the common room, Remus and Kendall haunted the library, as this was the only place they could study and still be together.

"Tell me the five major causes of the Goblin Wars during the sixteenth century?" Kendall asked on one such night.

Remus yawned widely, resting his chin on his arms. "Um, the wizards kept taking their pumpkin juice?" he asked sleepily.

Kendall rolled her eyes dramatically. "Do you want to fail your History of Magic N.E.W.T.?" she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

"Yes. I'd sleep more," he said, leaning his head against her palm.

"You would if you hadn't pummeled Martin, too," she said in a scolding voice. Remus looked up at her, an impish grin on his face.

"Well, I suppose," he said slowly. "But it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun."

"Remus Lupin, you're terrible!" Kendall said, her voice carrying.

Madam Cassius shushed them as she walked by.

"Sorry," Kendall whispered. She looked back at Remus. "You're lucky you weren't killed."

Remus sat up, rubbing his hand against his face.

"Killed is a little dramatic," he whispered. "At least _your_ mother didn't send you a Howler." Remus cringed, remembering the way his mother's voice had echoed around the Great Hall.

"You deserved it," she said in an undertone.

Remus met Kendall's eye. "Are you angry?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"I just don't like you fighting," Kendall said, taking his hand. He squeezed it gently.

"You don't think war is really on the way, do you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes were shining with tears.

Remus swallowed, carefully considering her question.

"I do," he said, running his thumb over her fingers. Kendall bit her lip, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

"It's getting late," she said, checking her watch. Madam Cassius had begun to herd groups from the library.

They packed away their books, Remus intending to walk Kendall near the Ravenclaw common room before heading to his extra prefect duties. Silently, they headed down the hallway, their fingers intertwined.

"You don't have to be scared," Remus told her after a few moments of listening to their footsteps against the stone floor.

She stopped and turned toward him. "They're killing people," she said. "Why wouldn't I be scared?"

"You can defend yourself," he said, taking her other hand.

"Not against the Killing Curse."

Remus heard her voice catch on the last word. Kendall flung her arms around his middle, holding on tightly.

"I can't imagine life without you," she said shakily. Remus pressed his lips against the top of her head.

"Wow, zero to morbid in ten seconds flat," he joked, smoothing down her hair as he attempted to lighten the mood. She pulled back suddenly.

"Please don't make fun of me."

In the moonlight, Remus could see her eyes were shining again. Filled with compassion for her pain and annoyance at himself, he pulled Kendall back against him.

"I'm sorry, love," he said quickly. "I wasn't thinking."

"I know you're tired," Kendall said, pressing her cheek against his chest.

"It's my own fault," he replied. "Please forgive me."

"Of course, I forgive you," she told him, tilting her head back so she could look at him. "I love you."

Remus smiled, his eyes taking in the way her eyes softened and the small smile on her lips. Kendall pushed herself up on tiptoes, her face hovering a few inches below his

"Oh, did you want me to kiss you now?" he asked lightly. Kendall wrinkled her nose at him.

"That's just rude," she said, flattening her feet against the floor.

Smiling, he bent down and kissed her slowly. Kendall wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers touching the back of his neck before knotting into his hair. Remus pulled her body against his, wanting to create as little space between them as possible. A moment later, he found himself against the wall, as Kendall had pushed herself against him and in his surprise he'd lost his footing.

"MR. LUPIN! MISS COLE!"

They jumped apart at the sound of Professor McGonagall's sharp tone.

"Remus, I believe you're wanted on the fourth floor tonight," McGonagall said, glancing between the two of them.

"Yes, Professor," Remus said, his hand finding Kendall's.

"Miss Cole, please head to your dormitory," said McGonagall sternly to Kendall who nodded quickly. "See that you do so immediately."

Without another word, Professor McGonagall turned and marched down the hall, disappearing around the corner.

"That was embarrassing," Kendall said, attempting to smooth down Remus' hair, which she'd ruffled up unintentionally.

"I guess we got a bit carried away," said Remus, nodding. "You should get to your common room," he added, lifting her chin up with his forefinger.

Kendall sighed. "I suppose," she said resignedly. "When will I see you tomorrow?"

"Lunch?" he offered. He knew it wasn't much, but it was the best he could do. They didn't have any classes together and the next night was the full moon.

"I'm going to hold you to that, you know," Kendall told him, her arms clinging to his middle once more.

"I love you," Remus said, brushing his fingers against her cheek. She looked up at him.

"I know you do," she said.

He kissed her one last time before Kendall left for Ravenclaw Tower and Remus for the fourth floor. He knew that if they lingered too long, McGonagall would return or Mr. Filch would stumble across them. And that would be ten times worse than being caught by the head of Gryffindor house.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

The Christmas holidays were soon upon Remus and the other Marauders. They debated staying at Hogwarts, but Peter's mother wouldn't allow it and neither the Potters nor Remus' parents were overly fond of the idea. So, to his dismay, as Kendall had returned home as well, Remus was once again at home. His parents were just as careful around him as ever, keeping their opinions on the stories in the _Daily Prophet_ about more deaths and disappearances to themselves, hoping to sway his resolve to join Dumbledore's Order once he'd finished at Hogwarts.

However, Remus didn't have much time to worry about this. The seventh years had been given extra homework to do over the holiday, and Remus spent most of his days surrounded by stacks of books and rolls of parchment with essays on the Unforgiveable Curses and the history of centaur-wizard relations.

The fourth evening he was at home was rather dull. There was a wintery drizzle outside, making it impossible to go anywhere without soaking oneself. So, he found himself in the family room in front of a roaring fire as he scratched some of his thoughts about the use of the Cruciatus Curse for his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay. His parents were in the kitchen—his mother was cleaning up after dinner while his father read that _Evening Prophet _at the table. Remus could hear indistinct murmuring as his father would read parts of articles aloud for his wife to hear. Remus caught a few words here and there, but he didn't try to make sense of it.

_Use of the Cruciatus Curse should be avoided at all costs. If used, imprisonment in Azkaban is imminent, as it is not a defensive spell._

Remus was finishing a sentence as a loud knock sounded on the front door.

"Who on earth could that be?" his mother asked. There was the sound of chair legs moving as his father stood to answer the door.

"I'm not expecting anyone," John said. Remus heard the worry in his father's voice. He stood as John walked through the hallway, toward the front door. Remus walked to the doorway to see who it was. "Stay back," his father commanded, his wand out as he stopped in front of the door. Remus backed out of view so he could only see his dad and not the doorway. His mother was peering anxiously out of the kitchen.

John Lupin opened the door and Remus saw his face change from worry to a look of surprise and concern, but his wand arm did not drop.

"Mr. Lupin, I'm so sorry to bother you!" a slightly hysterical voice said over the _pat pat_ of the rain hitting the roof. Remus instantly recognized the voice and stepped into the hallway despite his father's earlier command.

Kendall was standing outside the door, looking as though she'd fallen in a river or a bucket of water had been dumped over her head. Relief flooded her face as Remus appeared. Ignoring Mr. Lupin, Kendall hurried inside, throwing her arms around Remus' neck and burying her wet face against his neck.

"What—?" Remus began in confusion.

"I had a fight with my parents," she said into his shirt. "I told them about you and they ordered me to stop seeing you and I told them I wouldn't. We argued and I didn't know what else to do so I left. I only had a rough estimate of where you lived, so I've been wandering down the street for the past half hour trying to find which house was yours. I didn't mean to frighten you, but I didn't have anywhere else to go."

Kendall said all of this rather quickly, breaking down in tears near the end of her explanation. Remus looked at his father, who nodded solemnly, shutting the door.

"Remus, take Kendall into the family room and your father will bring some blankets," his mother said, entering the hallway. "I'll make some tea. Are you hungry, dear?" she asked, addressing Kendall.

"I—I haven't eaten since this morning," Kendall said, pulling away from Remus. He saw the look of confusion on Kendall's face.

"John, please get some blankets. Remus, sit her by the fire," his mother said.

Both Remus and his father obeyed her direction. Remus wrapped his arm around Kendall's shoulders, leading her into the family room.

"Sorry about all this," Kendall said. Remus had pulled the armchair closer to the fire before Kendall sat down. "I'm dripping everywhere," she muttered, hugging her arms around herself. Her teeth had begun to chatter.

"Don't worry about it," Remus told her, rubbing her back gently. His father appeared in the room, his arms laden with blankets and towels. Remus got to his feet.

"Thanks, Dad," he said, accepting the load from his father.

John nodded. "I'll help your mother in the kitchen," he said before leaving the room.

Kendall was staring into the fire as Remus threw a few thick towels around her shoulders. He sat down on the arm of the chair. Kendall wiped at her eyes.

"I don't mean to be such a nuisance," she said after a few moments of silence. She looked up at Remus, her eyes sad.

"You're not a nuisance, love," he said, cupping her chin in his hand. He bent down and kissed her forehead gently.

"You're very welcome here, dear," Remus' mother said, appearing in the doorway with a tray laden with hot soup, tea, and biscuits. Remus turned to see his mother was smiling as she walked over to them. "Once you've eaten, I'll get you something to wear that's dry. You don't need to worry about anything."

"Thank you, Mrs. Lupin," Kendall said, taking the tray.

"Please, call me Mary," she replied kindly. "I'll just be in the kitchen with Remus' father if you need anything."

"Thanks, Mum," Remus said before she left. She patted his shoulder gently before leaving the room.

As she ate, Remus told Kendall about the past few days at home to distract her from worrying about her parents.

"Are you finished eating?" Remus asked after he'd noticed her bowl was empty. Kendall nodded and Remus took the tray. "I'll just take this into the kitchen and get Mum so you can put on some dry clothes."

"Okay," she said, furrowing her brow. Remus stopped.

"What is it?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"It's nothing," she said quickly, relaxing her face. "I'm fine."

Not believing her, Remus headed to the kitchen. Both his parents were at the table. He could tell they'd been having a serious discussion.

"Mum, Kendall's done eating," he said, setting the tray on the counter.

"I'll go find her something to change into," she said, getting to her feet. She left quickly.

"Remus, wait," John said as Remus made to leave. "I want to talk with you."

Cautiously, Remus sat in the chair across from his father.

"What is it?" Remus asked after a moment of silence.

"I sent an owl to Kendall's parents," his father said, pressing his fingertips together.

"You had no right—!" Remus began indignantly. John held out his hand to silence his son.

"As a father, I had every right," he said firmly, keeping his voice quiet enough so Kendall wouldn't hear. "If it were the other way around and you'd run out, I'd want to know you were safe, no matter what kind of a disagreement we'd had—although I'm less wary about you out in the world than Kendall's parents are, I'm sure."

Remus swallowed. "They're just going to come and get her," he said angrily. "You know why they fought."

John Lupin sat forward, his eyes meeting his son's. "Disagreements like this can last decades because no one is willing to apologize. Do you really want to be the cause of Kendall breaking with her parents in this way?"

"No, but I don't think they can tell her who to love," Remus retorted.

"Nor do I," his father said. "But things happen—especially in this uncertain time. You don't want her to regret not making amends, do you?"

Remus looked at his father's face. He saw experience and wisdom there, as well as the pain in his eyes of the broken fences of years past.

"I told them they could come for dinner tomorrow if they'd like to speak with Kendall. Of course she's welcome for as long as she needs, but they're still her parents, no matter what they think about you."

"They don't want us to be together because…of what I am," Remus said. John pressed his lips together.

"Can you really blame them, son?" he asked after a moment's hesitation.

Remus looked away. No, he couldn't.

"I love you, Remus," his father said, sadness in his voice. "And I never wanted you to have to pay for my mistakes."

Remus looked at the man across the table. For the first time in his life, he realized his father blamed himself for what Greyback had done so many years ago. John Lupin suddenly looked very old and tired.

"Unfortunately, sometimes children must pay for the mistakes of their parents and I'm sorry for that. It's not what I wanted for you—none of it is."

His father looked at him for a few moments, his eyes slightly glazed over with memories and hopes that would never be.

His mother returned to the kitchen a minute later. "Remus, Kendall's in the family room again. I'm afraid she's quite determined to take the couch tonight, although I did offer her your bed, saying you could sleep on the couch. But there we are. I'm afraid she's looking very tired, so let her sleep soon, alright?" Mary asked him.

"Of course, Mum," Remus told her, getting to his feet.

"We're off to bed," his mother said, squeezing John's shoulder. "See that Kendall's comfortable."

Remus nodded and his parents left the kitchen. He headed back to the family room, where Kendall was sitting on the couch, staring into the fire. She was wearing one of Remus' old sweatshirts and a pair of Mary's pajama pants.

"This smells like you," Kendall said as Remus sat beside her. He smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head against his arm.

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

"My dad sent an owl to your parents," he said quietly. She pulled away suddenly.

"WHAT?" she asked angrily. "Why would he do that?"

"I'm sure they're worried about you," he said quickly. "You can't blame him for that."

"They won't understand!" she said, moving away from him. "I didn't want them to know I was here because they will _never_ understand."

"May dad said something and I think he's right. Something could happen and you don't want to regret not making amends, do you?" Remus asked gently.

Kendall pressed her lips together. "But they're wrong about everything. You're not dangerous."

"Well, you haven't seen me at my worst, love," Remus told her. He brushed his fingers against her cheek.

"I love you anyway," she said, wrapping her arms around his middle. She tucked her legs up next to him, resting her head on his chest.

"I know you do," he said, smiling. He kissed the top of her head. "You can stay as long as you like. But dad just wants you to have the chance to fix things if you can. They're still your parents and they love you."

"Well, they're not very good at showing it," she said, her voice sounding relaxed.

"You should sleep," Remus told her. He began to pull away, but she latched on tighter.

"Please don't leave," she said timidly, looking up at him. "I…I don't want to be alone."

Remus smiled compassionately, kissing her forehead. "I don't mind sleeping on the floor," he told her. She smiled back at him.

"Thank you."

After summoning a blanket and pillow from his room, Remus moved the coffee table, spreading the blanket out on the floor beside the couch.

"Will you sit with me for a while?" Kendall asked, tugging on his hand. "Until I fall asleep?"

"Of course," Remus said. He sat beside her once more and Kendall pulled a nearby blanket over her legs.

"I'm so glad I'm here," Kendall told him. She rubbed her thumb against his jaw.

"So am I," he replied. Cupping her face in his hand, he bent toward her, kissing her slowly. Kendall pulled away after a few moments, resting her head on his chest again.

"I love you," she said quietly. Remus could tell she was drifting off.

"I love you, too," he said, gently smoothing down her hair. "Good night, love."

Even though Remus knew the day would come sooner than he liked, bringing a new set of troubles with it, he relaxed knowing Kendall was his, if only for a few moments more.


	20. Chapter 20

I know it's been such a long time since I posted and I am incredibly sorry! I've been so busy, but here's the next installment of _I Watch the Moon_, and I hope that you think it was worth the wait. I hope to be able to write the next chapters more quickly. Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

Remus opened his eyes. It hadn't been the pain in his neck that had jarred him awake, but the unsettling dream he'd been having moments before.

He was looking up at the ceiling, as his head was resting uncomfortably on top of the arm of the couch. His neck was terrible stiff and it took an extreme amount of effort to lift it off the couch. Once he'd accomplished this, he saw Kendall had fallen asleep with her head on her chest.

He smiled, although he still couldn't shake the dream, but he couldn't pinpoint his uneasiness anymore. The substance of the dream had slipped away as soon as he'd opened his eyes.

As he tried to relieve the stiffness in his neck, Kendall stirred slightly, her hand loosening its grip on his t-shirt.

"Remus?" she mumbled, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly.

"Morning, love," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Five more minutes," she muttered, her fingers relaxing as she fell asleep again. Remus chuckled, extracting himself from her grip after kissing her one more time.

Getting to his feet, he stretched his back out, massaging his stiff neck before walking toward the kitchen. He found his mother there, quietly at work mending a pair of Remus' trousers where he'd ripped them after his last transformation.

"Good morning, dear," she said when he walked in the room. "Is Kendall still asleep?"

"Mostly," Remus told her, taking a seat at the table.

"You didn't keep her up too late, did you?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"No," he assured her.

"Well, yesterday must have been quite an ordeal for her."

"Mum?" Remus asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"I know Dad doesn't approve of Kendall," he began slowly.

"Now, your father thinks she's a lovely girl," she said quickly.

"But he doesn't approve of us," Remus said. She looked at him empathetically.

"No, he doesn't," she admitted.

"What do you think?" he asked. She set down the sewing, her eyes on her son.

"I think that Kendall makes you happy," she said gently. "And I don't want to see that end. You deserve to be happy, my dear boy. She took his hand, giving it a quick squeeze. It's not your fault this happened to you. No one can blame you for this."

"Sometimes, I think about how wrong it all is. Maybe it wasnt my fault, but isn't it just as wrong to pretend I'm normal when I'm not?" Remus asked.

"His mother looked at him, her eyes glossy with tears as she remembered the helpless little boy crying out in pain and fear, how she struggled to heal his wounds once it was over. How many things he could have been. If John had not...

She pulled herself back to the present, blinking away the moisture in her eyes.

"You're just who you're supposes to be," she told him with a careful smile. Half-smiling, he looked back at her without speaking.

"Well, let me get you some breakfast," she said getting to her feet. "I've washed Kendall's clothes for her, so she can clean up and change after she's eaten, she said as she pulled a few pots from the cupboard. Then I thought you could show her around the village and be back this afternoon for when her parents arrive."

"Where's Dad?" he asked.

"He went in to work for a few hours, something about paperwork," she added quickly. Remus didn't fully believe her, but he didn't press the matter as Kendall had walked up to the doorway.

"Good morning, Kendall, dear," Mary Lupin said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, though the groggy girl didn't seem to notice.

"Good morning," Kendall said timidly, remaining in the hallway. Remus motioned for her to come in, smiling kindly at her. She padded over to the table, taking Remus' hand as she sat in the chair next to his.

"Did you sleep alright?" he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Surprisingly, yes," Kendall said with a small smile on her face. "I had lovely dreams."

Remus noticed the color had risen slightly in her cheeks. Not wanting to embarrass her in front of his mother, he changed the subject.

"Mum thought it would be a good idea to show you around the village this afternoon, until your parents get here," he added. A dark look passed over Kendall's face.

"So they are coming?" she asked apprehensively.

"They sent the owl back this morning," Mary said, setting a plate of eggs and toast in front of Kendall. "They were very glad to know you're alright and they'll be here for tea."

"Oh, God," Kendall muttered in distress. Only Remus heard her. He gave her hand another squeeze and tried to smile in reassurance. Although he felt none.

After breakfast, Kendall had taken a bath while Remus had tried to do some homework without success. He kept thinking about what might happen when Kendall's parents arrived.

Following a quick bite of sandwiches and homemade soup, the pair set out in the early afternoon. They were silent for a few minutes in the chilly outdoors. The rain of the previous day was replaced by isolated sheets of ice that had formed on the frosty ground.

For quarter of an hour they walked quietly about the sleepy town that seemed to be nearly deserted. They came across a few Muggles on their way to shops or heading home.

"What do the Muggles think your parents do?" Kendall asked interestedly, hooking her arm around his as the path on which they were walking made a bend.

"Dad's some kind of a Muggle healer-a doctor, I think they're called. A rather frightening occupation, really. I think they cut people open in an attempt to heal their ailments."

Kendall smiled. "And your mum?"

"That she works in a bookshop or something like that. See, she's always bringing books home-dad, too, for that matter. One time I heard a pair of old Muggles wondering where they keep them all."

They walked past a row of old houses, a forest to their left. The leafless branches rustled in the breeze. Remus gave Kendall a sidelong glance, noticing she was biting her lip nervously.

"Are you all right?" he asked, giving her hand a squeeze.

She stopped walking and let go of his arm. "What if they make me go home with them?" she asked, the pitch of her voice slightly higher. "What if they make me stop seeing you?" Tears filled her eyes.

Remus pressed his lips together, saddened by her fear. He tried to find words to say. "That won't happen."

"I know I shouldn't have told them—Mum's terrified of werewolves—she always thinks Dad's going to get hurt when he goes on the raids," Kendall said, beginning to rant. "But you're not like that. You wouldn't hurt me or anyone on purpose."

"No," Remus said, staring at a spot above Kendall's head. "Not on purpose."

Kendall took a step toward him, noticing the pain in his eyes. As she moved, she stepped on a small twig, which snapped under her food. Remus gave a start as he suddenly remembered the dream he'd been having that morning before he woke up. These days, his nightmares always ended with his transformation in front of Kendall—this time he'd snapped her neck. And he remembered there had been a smaller child. A little girl with dark brown curls who had seen the whole thing.

"Remus?" Kendall asked in a tremulous voice. He felt as though he was going to be sick.

"I'm fine," he said, swallowing the bile that had risen in his throat.

"You're not," she said, reaching for his hand in an attempt to steady him. Remus hadn't even noticed he'd started shaking.

"Tell me," she insisted, leading him over to the side of the path where a fallen tree lay. She forced him to sit down, waiting for him to speak.

"I just remembered a—a dream I had last night," he said, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked hesitantly. "It might make you feel better."

After a few deep breaths, he decided he might as well tell her.

"Well, you and I were walking outside in the evening. I transformed and I—" He couldn't finish. He looked down at his hands, surprised that they looked normal.

"It's all right," Kendall said, covering his shaking hand with her own. He nodded and Kendall pressed her lips against his jaw, the fingers of her other hand gently touching his neck.

"It was just a dream," she told him.

Instead of speaking, Remus bent down, kissing Kendall gently. She leaned in to him, running her fingers through his hair.

_Just a dream,_ Remus repeated to himself.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

They walked back to the house with enough time to meet Kendall's parents. Remus knew his father would be cross if they were late. Mary had said he would be back around three.

"Oh, I'm nervous," Kendall admitted as they turned a corner, the Lupin home coming into view.

"It'll be all right," he assured her. He hoped it would be.

They walked inside to find Remus' parents in the sitting room, the tea tray set up on the side table. John looked up from his paper when they walked in.

"They'll be here soon," John said, checking the clock above the fireplace. As though on cue, there was a knock on the door.

"Mary," John said getting to his feet. He nodded and she followed him to the front door. Kendall looked up at Remus as she sat down on the sofa. He placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. He watched as she took a deep breath. She reached for Remus' hand and he took hers, glad to have some part of her to touch Both listened in silence as the front door was opened.

"Good afternoon," Mary said in a gracious tone. "Welcome to our home."

"Thank you," Kendall's mother said in a stiff voice.

"Please come in," John told them, sounding uncomfortable.

There was the sound of footsteps and the closing of the front door. Seconds later, Kendall's parents appeared, John and Mary Lupin just behind them.

"Oh, Kendall, dear," Mrs. Cole said, hurrying over to her daughter with outstretched arms. Kendall got to her feet, allowing her mother to embrace her.

"We're so glad you're all right," Mr. Cole said, placing his palm against Kendall's cheek.

"I'm perfectly fine," Kendall said in an exasperated voice.

"Thank you for looking after her," Mr. Cole said as Mrs. Cole looked Kendall over, as though trying to ascertain whether her daughter had really been taken care of.

"Oh, it was no trouble," Mary said genuinely. "We're very happy to have her."

"Won't you have a seat?" John asked. He'd already resumed his.

"We couldn't possibly stay, we just came to collect our daughter," Mrs. Cole said. She'd now taken hold of Kendall's hand.

"I'm not coming with you," Kendall said sternly, pulling her hand out of her mother's grasp. She moved away, taking Remus' hand once again. Both her parents looked affronted by her statement.

"You're coming home with us," Mr. Cole said in a firm voice.

"Not unless you take back everything you said. About Remus. About us," Kendall ordered, tightening her grip on Remus' hand. Remus felt as though he were watching the hole scene unfold from behind a glass wall, as only an onlooker.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cole, please, have some tea and we can discuss this rationally," Mary said in a persuasive voice.

"There's nothing to discuss," Mr. Cole said. "We will not allow our daughter to fraternize with a-"

"A what, Mr. Cole?" John Lupin asked, rising to his feet. He looked angrier than Remus had ever seen him before. "I suggest you choose your words carefully, sir."

Mr. Cole clenched his hands into fists. "I know what he is," he said with a nod toward Remus. "I've seen what his kind can do."

"His _kind_?" Kendall asked. Letting go of Remus' hand, she stepped toward her father. "Remus would never hurt anyone."

"Accidents happen," Mrs. Cole interjected. "How else would he be like this?"

"It may interest you to know that the attack on my son was no accident, Mrs. Cole," John said, crossing the room to stand by the fireplace. "I ran into some trouble after acquiring inside information about a group known as the Death Eaters. So they sent a mercenary to exact revenge on me. A werewolf-you may know him, Mr. Cole-by the name of Fenrir Greyback. As punishment for my folly, Greyback attacked the person I hold most dear. Remus was only a boy, just six years old. So, don't you dare blame my son for my mistake."

The room was silent for a few uncomfortable moments. Remus had never heard his father give such detail on the subject of his attack. John had turned away, his eyes staring into the fire grate. Kendall put her hand on Remus' arm, tears in her eyes.

"This doesn't change what he is," Mr. Cole said.

"No, it doesn't," Remus said, finally finding his voice. They all looked at him. "But you're acting as though I had a choice in the matter. I can't change what's happened. What I do know is that I love your daughter, Mr. Cole. And she loves me."

"You're just children," Mr. Cole told Remus. "You're not old enough to understand." He looked at them, shaking his head.

"Surely you don't approve," Mrs. Cole said, addressing John and Mary.

"All I know, Mrs. Cole", Mary began firmly, "is that your daughter makes my son very happy. And she seems to feel the same way. I think that's worth something."

Mrs. Cole looked as though she didn't have a ready response.

"I do feel the same way," Kendall said, her arms wrapping around Remus' middle. He smiled at her, rubbing her back gently. She looked up at Remus adoringly. "I love him," she stated, looking over at her parents. "Please try to understand."

Both her parents looked appalled by their daughter's statement.

"We can't accept this," Mr. Cole said finally.

"You must," Kendall said passionately. "This is what I've chosen."

"You're not old enough to know what you want," Mrs. Cole said.

John Lupin turned his back to the fireplace, his eyes steely as he gazed at the Coles.

"I think they are," he said. "But you must decide whether or not this is worth losing your daughter over. She's made her choice." John paused glancing at Remus. "And you must make yours. But are you perfectly certain about what you're doing?" Remus swallowed, knowing his father's last sentence was meant for him as well.

The Coles looked at each other, both unsure what they should say or do. After a few seconds of silence, the husband spoke.

"We simply can't condone this", Kendall, he said, looking rather sad all of a sudden.

"What are you saying?" Kendall asked, her arms slackening around Remus.

"Are you really going to throw away what may be your last chance to make peace with your daughter?" John asked, shock on his face.

Mrs. Cole looked at her husband, tears filling her eyes. "Perhaps we could just-"

"Surely you can't want this, Mr. Cole," Mary said. "To lose your daughter, your only child?"

"Of course not," he said quickly.

"Then let us be together!" Kendall begged. Mr. Cole looked away from his daughter's imploring eyes.

"All right," Mrs. Cole said after a few moments. Mr. Cole looked as though he was about to protest. "No," she said, stopping him. "I will not let this take our daughter away."

She turned to Remus and Kendall. "We won't keep you apart-won't try to. We love you, Kendall, and we will support you in this decision."

"Oh, mother, thank you!" Kendall cried, letting go of Remus to embrace her mother. "That means so much! Dad?" Kendall asked, looking over her mother's shoulder at her father.

Mr. Cole looked as though he had a bad taste in his mouth, but he sighed in resignation. "All right," he said.

"Thank you!" Kendall threw her arms around him, pecking his cheek before pulling away.

Remus looked at his own parents, both of whom look rather shocked by the sudden turnaround of the Coles.

"Perhaps some tea?" Mary suggested.

"That would be lovely," Mrs. Cole said, taking a seat. Her husband sat beside her and Kendall rejoined Remus, who had sat on the arm of the nearest chair.

Remus had no idea what the conversation even was as Kendall helped his mother serve the tea and then they proceeded to drink and eat some sandwiches Mary had prepared. He was too surprised by the events that had just occurred, along with his preoccupation about what his father had said

Are you perfectly certain about what you're doing? Was he? He honestly wasn't sure.

After the earlier drama, the afternoon passed quickly. Soon, the tea was gone, the food had been eaten, and the Coles, including Kendall, were ready to leave.

"We'll show you out," Mary said, as the entire group got to their feet.

"I'll be out in a minute," Kendall told her parents. They nodded, blank expressions on their faces, before allowing John and Mary to walk them out of the room. Kendall waited until the front door closed before she spoke.

"Well, that went better than I expected," she said lightly, loosely wrapping her arms around Remus.

"I agree," he said in a preoccupied manner.

"What is it?" Kendall asked, spotting his disinterest immediately.

"It's just-they still don't seem very pleased," he said, looking toward the door. "None of them do."

Kendall pressed her lips together, looking slightly annoyed. "At least they're not going to keep us apart," she said quickly. "Aren't you happy that we can be together?" she asked, looking away from him.

"Of course I am," he said, realizing he'd hurt her feelings. He kissed her forehead gently. "Of course, love."

She smiled slightly, meeting his eyes once again. "So am I," she said sweetly.

"You should probably go though," Remus said, smoothing down her hair. "They're waiting for you."

Kendall sighed, but nodded. "I'll write you," she said, intertwining her fingers with his. He smiled at her before leaning down to kiss her quickly.

"See you at school," he told her. She gave his hand a quick squeeze before hurrying out after her parents, the echo of '_Are you sure you know what you're doing?'_ repeating in Remus' head.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The end of the Marauder's final term at Hogwarts loomed much nearer than Remus had expected. It was now the end of May and he was as undecided about his future as ever. How could he have one with what he was? There was very little chance he would find a source of employment he enjoyed after the term.

And what about Kendall? He never thought he'd have a girlfriend, let alone someone who loved him. Someone he could actually have a real life with. _But could I?_ He shook his head as he sat with his friends in the Gryffindor common room, the four of them pouring over books and notes as they studied for exams.

_There's always the Order, _he thought to himself. Not that joining Dumbledore's group would actually provide any kind of salary. He sighed as Lily joined their little group and sat on the floor beside James, her shoulder resting against his as she opened _A History of Magic _to read for the hundredth time. Remus watched them as James turned to nuzzle his forehead against Lily's cheek. She smiled and kissed the tip of his nose before returning to her attention to the book, which was opened to the chapter on Grindelwald's Reign of Terror. James kept his eyes on Lily as she read, pretending she didn't notice his gaze although she couldn't keep the ends of her mouth from turning up in a small, knowing smile.

Remus felt his stomach contract as he realized that James and Lily had something he could never have with Kendall-could never have with anyone. They had the hope of a future together while had none of that. They could marry each other if they chose, have children and a life together. Not that Remus wanted children-he'd only just turned eighteen a few months before-at least not soon. But he knew that was something that could never be. Who knew what would happen to a child if it's father was a werewolf. He'd never heard of anyone with lycanthropy ever fathering children, he was sure there would be something wrong with them if it happened. The Ministry would never allow it, especially not the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. There had to be some laws against it.

"All right, Remus?" Lily asked, glancing up at him. He'd accidentally sighed again.

"I guess I'm tired of all this studying," he lied, running his fingers through his hair, pretending he hadn't blushed at Lily's question. He certainly wasn't going to admit that he was thinking about marriage.

"I can't believe our time at Hogwarts is almost over," Lily said, shaking her head. "It feels like only yesterday that we were sorted." She looked around the common room, as though attempting to remember every inch of it. James took her hand and gave it a squeeze and Lily smiled at him.

"Oh, Merlin, the two of you are ridiculous," Sirius said agitatedly. "You always have to ruin a perfectly dreadful afternoon of studying by mooning at each other." He rolled his eyes for effect, but Remus knew Sirius was just teasing them. All of them were happy for their friends, but Remus couldn't help feeling jealous. And he couldn't even tell anyone about it.

"I'm going for a walk," Remus said suddenly, getting to his feet.

"You want some company, Moony?" Sirius asked. Everyone had noticed the dark look that had fallen on Remus's face.

"No, thanks," he replied. "I'm fine." He nodded to his friends before heading out of the common room.

As Remus walked through the castle, he tried to figure out what he really wanted. His mind kept going back to Kendall, but he didn't know what to do. They couldn't have a future together, not like Lily and James. He wished he could talk to someone about it, but he doubted anyone would understand. Lily would insist something could be worked out, all the while assuring him Kendall and himself could live a normal life together. ("After all, there aren't any studies out that confirm your ridiculous claims about werewolf children," he already heard her saying.) And none of his friends would understand. ("You're thinking about marriage? ALREADY?" "You're only eighteen!" James and Sirius would contend. And Kendall would only be upset by it. ("Of course we can be together. Don't you want to marry me, Remus?")

He walked out of the castle onto the sparsely populated grounds. Most of the students were inside studying for end of term exams as the melancholy Remus stalked toward the Black Lake.

There was nothing to be done. He wondered if he should wait for Kendall to grow tired of him (surely it wouldn't be that long) or end it himself. Maybe if he joined the Order he'd be killed and then everyone would be spared the trouble of worrying about him anymore. He hoped Kendall would move on quickly. There were plenty of others who would love to take his place. And she could have a normal life. Be a wife and a mother. And be happy. Remus wouldn't have to worry about hurting her any more.

"Remus?"

He turned at the edge of the lake, his eyes meeting Lily's.

"Were you following me?" he asked.

"Of course, silly boy," she replied, walking up to him. She turned and looked out over the lake and Remus glanced at her before gazing out as well. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.

"What's bothering you?" she asked finally, crossing her arms and tilting her head to look at him.

"I'm worried about what's going to happen after we leave here. What's going to happen to me?" he asked. He knew it was no use beating around the bush with Lily. She knew him too well.

Lily pressed her lips together as she thought for a few moments.

"With you and Kendall?" she asked pensively.

"Yes, but with everything? I can't get a job-who's going to hire someone like me?"

"You can do anything, Remus. Anything you want."

"No, I can't." He glanced around to ensure they were alone. "I'm a werewolf, Lily. And I have to register at the Ministry as soon as I leave Hogwarts. It goes in every single register the Ministry has. Of wizards. Marriages. Deaths. _Everything_."

"You can still get a job, Remus. There aren't so many restrictions on that."

"Not yet, anyway. But with that Umbridge woman in the Ministry-" he began.

"Stop worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet and may never happen. Just find what you want to do and do it," Lily scolded him. "And what about Kendall?" she asked, softening her tone.

Remus sighed. "You and James look so happy." He watched as Lily blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"We are," she said, smiling.

"You have a future together, if you want it," he said.

"And you don't?" she asked.

"I can't...I can't marry her. I can't condemn her to that life."

"Is it really so black and white? It's only once a month."

Remus shook his head. "But there are days when I miss classes because I hurt myself so badly. Without the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey on call how can I lead any semblance of a normal life? And God forbid we have children. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if this-disease-somehow passed on to them."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that, too," Lily replied. "I haven't found any evidence that lycanthropy can be transmitted like that, but there doesn't seem to be any research on it. It's very difficult to actually do tests on werewolves since the trait only becomes apparent at the full moon. It's too dangerous."

"Exactly. _It's too dangerous_," he repeated. "_I'm_ dangerous."

"You know I don't believe that," she insisted.

"But you just said so. I'm a werewolf, Lily. There's no getting around it. It'd be safer if I was alone."

"You don't mean that, Remus," Lily said, placing her hand on his arm. "We all care about Remus. You need us. And we need you."

"What if something happens? What if something happened to Kendall? I've come so close with James and Sirius...and Severus."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "James told me about that. About everything. You all can be such bloody idiots." She snorted. "Unregistered animagi. You all could have been expelled!"

"If it's any comfort to you, I feel less alone when they're with me. Somehow, the pain is less. I know all of that's going to change after we leave."

Lily's face softened and she blinked back tears.

"We'll all stay friends, Remus. Of course we will. You can visit James and I-" Her voice trailed off as Remus's eyes widened. He furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Visit? You and _James_?" he asked. He bit his lip to keep from laughing. "Where?"

"Oh, bloody hell-he was going to tell all of you-at some point-although he swears Sirius will be cross for life." She paused, taking a quick breath. "James and I, well, we're going to get a flat together in London, if you _must _know."

Remus covered his mouth to hide his laughter, although his eyes were shining with mirth. "It's serious, is it?" he asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. "A bit," she said, unable to keep from smiling anymore. Her cheeks reddened as she thought about James for a few moments.

"Kendall and I can never be like that," her said, sighing. He crossed his arms and looked over the lake once more.

"Don't give up on her just yet, Remus," Lily told him after a few wordless minutes. "At least talk to her about it before throwing her over."

"She'll just say it doesn't matter," he replied. "That we can still be together. But even if she doesn't want children right now, she'd change her mind eventually and I can't change mine."

"Talk to her," Lily repeated, giving his arm another squeeze before turning to return to the castle.

Remus stood looking over the water for a long while before he followed Lily's path inside.


	23. Chapter 23

"Alright, next question: what are the magical properties of the number seven?"

Remus squinted as he looked at the Black Lake as the afternoon sun reflecting of its surface. It was Sunday, the day after he'd spoken to Lily, and he and Kendall were studying near the lake, secluded from the rest of the grounds by a few trees and bushes so it was nearly impossible to tell they were there. Plus, most of the students had remained inside to study for exams. But Kendall had wanted to spend time with Remus and the day had turned out to be so nice that they hauled their books outside after lunch and made a large stack in the grass. Kendall currently had their Arithmancy book open. He knew he needed to talk to Kendall about more than just Arithmancy and Potions and Ancient Runes, but he didn't know where to start. He'd lain awake for most of the night trying to come up with words that made sense and would help her understand his trepidation, but everything sounded idiotic or melodramatic.

"Remus, did you hear me?"

He turned his head quickly to see Kendall watching him, a look of annoyance on her face. He unintentionally smiled as he looked at her. Her dark hair was twisted into a long plait that had fallen over her shoulder and the sun made her skin radiant.

"What?" she asked, playing with her braid self-consciously. Her cheeks reddened as he looked at her. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked with a laugh, grinning as he leaned forward. Kendall wrinkled her nose and Remus kissed the end of it, completely forgetting about what he needed to do. Kendall sighed, her eyes flitting back down to the book before she shut and tossed it back into the pile.

"We're hopeless today," she said, leaning back on her elbows.

"Apparently," Remus replied, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and the sun immediately began to warm his forearms. He stifled a yawn before rolling onto his stomach. After a moment, Kendall scooted over to relax against his side, her fingers running through the back of his hair and over his neck.

Remus allowed himself to enjoy the touch of her fingers against his skin for a few moments before remembering his conversation with Lily the day before. His shoulders tensed suddenly and he pressed his lips together in thought.

Kendall rubbed her hands against Remus' stiff shoulders. He wished he could relax, return to that momentary feeling of happiness from simply being with her, but as she continued to massage his back he clenched his teeth harder.

"Remus, what's the matter?" she asked, finally noticing how rigid his shoulders were. She leaned down and brushed her lips against the side of his neck. A sigh escaped his lips as he relaxed for a second, his heart skipping a beat when her lips gently tugged on his earlobe. But he didn't move or encourage her affection.

After a few moments, Kendall pulled away and moved so they were no longer touching. A tense quiet had fallen over them. Remus knew she was angry with him.

_She's only going to get angrier._

He turned his head and saw that she was looking away from him, her legs pulled against her chest, her cheek resting against her knees. He sat up and bit his lip, searching for the right words to say.

Kendall spoke first, her voice quiet, but he could sense the anger in it. "What did I do now?"

"Nothing," he said softly, reaching over to touch her shoulder. Kendall lifted her head and met his eyes.

"Then what's wrong?" she asked. "Why did you get so sulky all of a sudden?"

"Lily and James are getting a flat together."

He spoke without thinking and blushed as soon as he realized what he'd said. He dropped her gaze, his eyes widening slightly as he stared at his shoelaces.

"Oh, um, why are you upset about that?" she asked carefully.

He didn't respond for a few minutes. The warm air suddenly felt stifling to Remus. He undid his collar and loosened his tie before speaking.

"They have a future together, Kendall," he said slowly, his eyes still on the ground.

"And-and we don't." She didn't ask, she was simply stating a fact. He heard the hurt in her voice. He looked over and saw her wipe her eyes quickly.

"You don't want a future with me," he told her.

She pressed her lips together, a few more tears escaping down her cheeks. "Shouldn't I be the one to decide what I want?" she asked angrily.

"I'm a dead-end," he told her. "I'm a werewolf. There's no guarantee I'll get a job after Hogwarts. Or even be able to provide for myself, let alone a wife and children."

Kendall furrowed her brow as she processed his words. "Wife? Children?" she asked, repeating the words. She blinked. "When did we talk about marriage?"

"The point is, we can never get married. You wouldn't want to marry me."

She wiped at her nose, looking away from Remus. "You mean, you don't want to marry me," she said tearfully.

"Of course I would," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wish I could."

Kendall looked at him, her eyes staring in astonishment at him. "Why can't you?"

"Werewolves don't have wives. Or children," he replied, wiping at his own eyes. "Who knows what kind of genetic mutations would occur. They'd probably be actual wolves." He tried to laugh but it sounded strange, as though it belonged to someone else.

"Do you know that's true, or are you making it up?" she asked, pressing her lips together thoughtfully.

"Don't," he told her. "You shouldn't hope just because there's no evidence against it."

"I love you, Remus," Kendall said. "And maybe I don't want children."

"Even if you don't now, you'll change your mind."

"No, I won't. Just like I won't change my mind about you." She moved close to him, taking his hands in hers and kissed them.

"You will," he told her. "And I can't change mine. You deserve better than me."

"There's no one better than you," she insisted.

"Someone who doesn't transform into a monster once a month. A horrible, terrifying monster."

"You're more than just a werewolf, Remus John Lupin," Kendall replied. "You're a beautiful, kind, wonderful man and I love you."

Remus blushed in spite of himself, but pulled his hands away. "I can't marry you. Not ever," he muttered.

"I won't leave you."

"You will because our relationship can never move forward. We'll always be in the same spot. Never growing."

"You're impossible," she sighed, sounding more aggravated than angry.

"Quiet!" Remus hissed. He'd heard voices drawing nearer as they were arguing. Bitter, laughing, mocking voices.

"What?" Kendall asked indignantly. "How dare-"

Remus covered her mouth with his hand. "Shh," he whispered before listening hard. He felt Kendall purse her lips angrily against his palm, but he didn't release it.

The voices he'd heard before were drawing nearer. Taking a chance, he let go of Kendall before rolling onto his stomach and crawling toward the hedgerow and peeking through the leaves.

A mob of, of course, all Slytherin boys moved closer, the throng laughing and crudely joking with one another. As far as Remus could tell, Amycus Carrow and Snape seemed to be the oldest in the group and the default leaders of the outing. Kendall moved to lay beside him, moving a branch so she had a better look as the group stopped nearby.

"Get back," Remus muttered.

"No," Kendall replied stonily. "You're not my _husband_."

Remus tried not to snort as he returned his attention to the Slytherins. One of the sixth years, a boy Remus didn't know, seemed to be holding something that was struggling.

"Oh, my God," Kendall breathed. Remus looked closer, realizing the sixth year held a rabbit tightly in his hands, as the creature thrashed about violently as it tried to escape.

"You girls aren't too scared to practice, are you?" Carrow taunted as he wrenched the rabbit away from its captor.

"Course not, Amycus," a different sixth year said, crossing his arms over his huge torso. Remus thought this one might be called Crabbe, but he couldn't remember. But he looked dangerous.

"Goyle, how 'bout you go first? The Dark Lord won't take you if you can't torture," Carrow instructed a mean-looking fifth year who stepped forward, wand out.

Remus's eyes widened in horror as Carrow dropped the rabbit's body mid-air and Goyle muttered _"Crucio_." The poor beast's body wrenched in the grass as it squeaked in agony. Kendall reached over and dug her fingers into Remus's arm, causing him to nearly cry out himself.

"Remus, do something," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No, no, no, you have to _mean_ it, Goyle," Carrow instructed and the other boy released the rabbit. It lay on the ground, so much in pain that it couldn't move. Remus felt like he was going to be sick. "Show 'em, Severus."

Remus watched in horror as Snape stepped up to the rabbit and performed the same curse as Goyle, but the cries coming from the animal were markedly louder than before. Unlike Goyle, Snape seemed to have used this curse before. Remus thought he looked as though he were thinking about something other than the rabbit. He realized Snape was thinking about performing the Cruciatus curse on James.

"Please, Remus, make them stop," Kendall insisted.

"I don't know-" he began, his voice trailing off. He reached for his school bag, realizing there was a dung bomb at the bottom of it. It had been there for a while, but he thought it might still work. At least to scare them off.

As he waited for his moment to lob the dung bomb, Snape lost complete control. Whether it was because the other boys were encouraging him or he simply snapped, he nearly shouted, "_Avada Kedavra!_" and the rabbit moved no more.

Remus had to nearly tackle Kendall to the ground as she moved to stand up. He wrapped his arms firmly around her and forced her to stay down while the Slytherins laughed and Crabbe picked up the rabbit by the foot.

"Let's throw it in the Forrest," Carrow cackled. Snape was the only one who looked disinterested in what he'd done. Even, perhaps, sickened by it as he looked paler than usual.

Finally, they moved away and Remus released Kendall's shoulders, which were shaking. She sat up and pulled away from him, her eyes red.

"Why didn't you stop them?" she nearly shouted at him. "Why didn't you do something?"

Feeling helpless, he reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away, hugging her arms around herself.

"There wasn't anything I could do," he said quietly. Was this a glimpse of what was to come. They had referred to the "Dark Lord," Remus could only assume they meant Voldemort.

Kendall buried her face in her arms and shook with sobs. Ignoring the fact that she had already pushed him away, he moved forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. She didn't push him away this time, but buried her face in his shirt as she cried, both of them clinging to a life that was slipping away with every moment.


End file.
